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Post by 4Ms on Sept 11, 2011 21:10:16 GMT -5
Top 11 Performance Ring Of Fire by June Carter Cash (wife of Johnny Cash) and Merle Kilgore Rockstar Supernova Dilana Version It Burns! Burns! Burns! By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 21 | Aired on 2009.03.17 Top 11: Performances - Country night can only mean two things: Megan and Mike do dumb stuff, and Adam gets ten times weirder even than usual. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_performances_1.php..and then next is Adam Lambert doing some kind of fucked up hoodoo some more.Ryan asks if Adam's going to go the same route as Lil, showing some reverence for the style and demonstrating self-control, and Adam's like, "Fucking what?" Ryan points out the total polar opposition of Adam and Randy Travis, and Adam refers to him as a real "gentleman." The idea of Ryan Seacrest sitting there talking about how Adam and Randy Travis could not be more different in every single way especially the ones you're thinking of is exceedingly skeevy. Then we watch Randy Travis stare into the abyss of crazy that is Adam, and wonder if he's going to live through it. Randy asks if he knows "Ring Of Fire" from Johnny Cash, and he says he's going to sing an arrangement he heard that has an "Eastern influence." And I mean, let's all line up for the chorus of "how dare you butcher" and all that, except for how Johnny Cash was the king of crossing genre covers and loved that shit. He would have laughed his ass off before the song even started, and probably would have grinned his way through the song itself. But we do love our little moral victories. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_performances_1.php?page=6Randy Travis is completely flummoxed and maybe terrified by Adam Lambert, or at least doing the polished version of confusion and gay panic that a lifetime of being a well-known Blind Item can teach you. They try desperately not to cry having to talk to each other. Randy calls him a "very nice guy" and a "great singer," nailpolish notwithstanding, which makes me think he's intensely heterosexual and not at all gay, which is probably just a coincidence and not a really sad thing about the industry coming true right before your eyes... And then, of course, things get super effing freaky. It is... I hate this, because he makes me talk like Paula because people words don't work for things that are essentially otherworldly, so every week it's difficult to describe without resorting to these weird labored metaphors. So -- beyond saying that the Jeff Buckley vocal resemblance gets stronger every week and somebody needs to mention that already -- like... It's sort of like what if that movie Queen Of The Damned were not only real, but interested in slipping you a roofie and selling you on the black market. He screeches out some kind of artsy orgasm and nearly pulls his shirt up over his head, and then just starts wailing like some forgotten homosexual Greek myth about sailors that never come home. It's... Totally awesome. Of course. I feel weird and crazy, and entertained. Those sudden register shifts used to freak me out with Jeff Buckley too, like, "And now I am a lady... And now I am a dude again." I can't imagine how uncomfortable that must have been for lots and lots of people. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_performances_1.php?page=7But also even if this were Emo-merican Idol, that was still fucking drastic, like, I don't know that the scariest Punky-Colors bisexual weirdo vampire in Westwood would find this less than totally WTF. Or what if you went on a blind date and it turned out to be with Freddy, and then the date went really well and you had to be like, "Unique fashion choices and burned flesh aside, he has a real charisma. A real way about him." Or have you ever read Perdido Street Station? It's like if Pennywise read you a chapter from that while wearing a corset and garters and then tucked you into bed, like, "Sleep tight!" I can't stop thinking about it. It makes sparks on my eyelids when I try to wish for something else. And you know, I always had fun with the whole Sanjaya "No Future Punk Papaya God of Anarchy" thing, but now? Not even that funny, because it's like the prophecy is coming true. I feel like Blake and Sanjaya started down a certain road where this show can just go fuck itself, and now Adam is making that happen for real. Any other year I would say that this is the show breaking right in front of you, but God knows. Maybe Twilight really did just move us all along the road toward Candyland and we're finally going to admit just how fucking weird we all are, like, if we all do it at once nobody has to feel funny about it. Kara's like, "This is what Adam doing country music looks like, yes." The audience laughs about how weirded out she is by all of this business, which makes me wonder if America can even handle him this week, but then goes, "It left me confused and sort of happy," which is exactly how I feel every week. (Simon, quietly: "Just like Paula." Zing!) There's this awesome gay version of Maroon 5 with a bleached bouffant sitting with Adam's mom. Paula references "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin, which is savvy in that it makes the whole thing seem less weird, like, "You bought Zeppelin forty years ago, and the Beatles, and honestly if you look back now without taking drugs, that was also a fucked up time in the life of America." A cuddlier kind of apocalypse. Simon's like, "But what the hell was that?" Randy Travis giggles with quasi-hateful glee and vindication, but then shrinks back and gets pretty disgusted and bummed when Simon further implies that if Adam goes to Nashville he will be gay-bashed. Good on Randy T for feeling yucky about being co-opted into at least one of the ten bullshit things he's been co-opted into. Adam and Ryan agree that Nashville will not welcome them and will not be visiting, and then Ryan giggles about "Remember Taylor Hicks?" I feel like my hatred of the Taylor Hicks thing was actually a time capsule sent back from right now, and my frustration about Constantine and Nadia and Carrie/Taylor was just impatience to get here, where we are now. Because right now, the show makes sense to me. ["Which is exactly why I voted for Adam repeatedly last night. I should probably be ashamed of that too. -- AC] www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_performances_1.php?page=8So. Sarver drinky-drunked around, Allison forgot to be awesome a little bit, wooby Kris is coasting on his beauty, Lil did her usual boring perfect job, Adam Lambert is the ambassador from Planet Glitter Sex Parasite, Scott continues to sing feelgood songs nobody could ever care about, Alexis gave a nuanced and passionate performance that once again risks getting lost in the shuffle, Danny Gokeyed his pants again, Anoop finally realized he's on American Idol, Boobs McGee distracted once again from her own distractingly weird performance, and Matt G ruled the world for the second week in a row. Tomorrow, there will be much filler and the POV will rear its head, Megan will find herself a fucking bra God willing, and who knows who's going home -- Sarver and Corkrey have voter base, I think, and Scott's memorable no matter what crap he sings, which makes me worry about Alexis and maybe Allison -- because this season is turning out to be really good... Which is weird. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_performances_1.php?page=16 |
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 11, 2011 22:36:31 GMT -5
Please Don't Dump Me Just Because You Can By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 22 | Aired on 2009.03.18 Top 11: Results - The new Evil Power of Veto is just about the meanest thing that ever happened. So pass the popcorn. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_results_1.phpHow many votes last nights? Over 31 million.
Ryan's like, "Remember our new rule? Of course you do, Simon. Don't play." I don't have time to talk about it, because he's talking about PoV and how maybe they will use it tonight. PS, they won't. It's the second week of the show. Come on. So there's Kris doing some tender thing that made people who are not me very happy; Megan being effing weird with boobs; Sarver sucking dirt like a nodding donkey; Allison still floundering aimlessly with her monster talent clutched in her tiny hands; Alexis earning the hate of all people who are not me; Lil Rounds playing this game like chess, as it should be; Scott singing some damn song and being threatened with blindness by Paula; Adam freaking the fuck out of everydangbody; Danny Gokey being a nasty motherfucker as usual; Anoop bringing a gun to a whiffle fight; and Matt G being your boyfriend again.
Singing "Trouble" with Scott at the piano, just to piss off Paula, and the voices so obviously lip-synced that it's like a Fusion ad without the automobile; the boys pretend to sing, Scott plays the piano and no sound comes out, the girls all do variations of Megan's stupid dance. The girls advance on the Judgery and it sounds like crap; Kris is wearing a three-piece and looks hot as hell, while Mike looks hippy. Everybody else is annoying, and I include this song itself and Mike's face when I say that. This is the kind of cheesy that I am looking for, up to and including Adam and Lil singing to each other like they have anything to talk about. Yeah, I smell "T-R-O-U-B-L-E" too, and it starts with T and that rhymes with G and that stands for the gross salty-ass ramen noodles ten of you will be slurping this time next year in lieu of food.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_results_1.php
...Alexis and Adam, the only people in this competition, which means one of them is going home, and you and I both know Adam's going to the Final Two, so whatever. Simon says Adam was even worse on tape, and then the whole world goes into TMTH mode as Randy stares directly into the camera -- did you see this? -- and goes, "I liked the Jeff Buckley take. I liked the Jeff Buckley take." I mean staring at the camera, like we are a cheeseburger. Begging to be let back into these recaps.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_11_results_1.php?page=7 |
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 11, 2011 23:09:05 GMT -5
Top 10 Performance The Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson
"We're Not Allowed To Show That!" By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 23 | Aired on 2009.03.25 Top 10: Performances - Motown, Smokey, and a new shocker from Adam Lambert. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_performances_1.php
Oh, did I mention it's Motown Night? Because yeah: What they love on this show is when you "switch up" Motown and express your integrity. Adam is probably going to sing "Ain't No Mountain" while riding a pink exploding rocket around the place. Simon's like "Well, these are really good songs, but tonight is going to suck. But you should make it original, but don't. Or not."
The Idols themselves aren't wearing too much in the way of interesting clothing. From the left, there's ... Some guy I don't recognize. Maybe he's going to help out Scott during the group sing? Wait, this is Performances. Who the eff... Oh, dang. It's Adam. That's amazing. He's wearing a fitted suit and looks like he has Stone Butch Blues, but there he is.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_performances_1.php
The kids fly to Motown, where the most flattering group of Idol fans is there screaming and carrying on, Smokey Robinson continued to be terrifying, Danny was smarmy and bored, to be fair it is kind of boring listening to how "every village, every town, every city has the same amount of talent," and they wander around the famous studio for awhile. Lil is sort of overcome by the immanence of history, and then they all take a picture. As usual, Scott is the only person who knows how to make a normal photograph face. Then they sing "Ain't No Mountain" with Smokey, who is wearing cargo pants and a giant hoodie the same color as his freaky, scary eyes. And yes, the little dance Adam does at the end of the piano is pretty gay but I think we have yet seen nothing, and then the Motownies are in the audience with a killer lady.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_performances_1.php?page=2
How is that possible? How can Adam possibly surprise you when surprising you is all he knows how to do? Is he going to totally button it down or something? Because that sounds sort of awful. It would fit his weird Thin Blemished Duke look he's working, but I think even a buttoned-down Adam is still going to be pretty fucked up, no? We'll see. But oh! But first, Adam Lambert and Smokey Robinson dealing with each other. I'm more excited to see that than the song itself, almost. That is some intriguing shit. "I'm kind of an alien lady." "I too am an alien lady." "Let's go get some Dippin' Dots and go to a petting zoo." "I was totally thinking that. But first let's go to an upholstery store and mock the impudent fabrics." "And then build a robot!"
Adam is totally wiggy and nervous with Smokey, because he's singing "Tracks Of My Tears," which is pretty awesome to think about. Smokey's really into other people interpreting songs he's written, and says in all his hundred years of listening to people do this song, nobody has done the Adam thing to it. I am on the edge of my chair, because if Smokey Robinson is like, "Weird, but good," that's like a fractal. He cracks Adam right up trying to explain the way the song usually builds, and it's fairly adorable how he's like, "Yadda yadda, look at my face, blah blah," but not as adorable as Adam's little delighted giggle. I don't think he's smiled this sincerely since we've met him. It makes me think Smokey is not as scary as I thought he was. He says he's very proud of Adam's low-level thing, and they talk about the poetry of the song, which is sort of Dickensonian in that you don't think about the literal words, which are all about a person crying so much and for so long that you can actually see it on their face later. I never thought about that, and Adam's whoof says he didn't either, but what a sad ghostly thing.
Which is pretty much how he does it: on a stool, dressed like a dude, with a guitar player alongside. There's a falsetto section that's pretty much gorgeous, and then the "smile is my makeup" part slides up past that into Smokey territory, getting some applause, and the whole audience claps along with the song. Adam Lambert sings like an angel! I was so distracted by him waving his penis around and scaring little kids with it that I didn't even really know that. At the end he starts crying his own self, and then Smokey leads a standing ovation with tears in his eyes, and Kara makes a point of standing up too. Damn. That was amazing, I'm so glad everybody was down.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_performances_1.php?page=10
Kara calls it one of the best of the night, and praises his artistry, and Paula points out once again that he's in his own league. She loves the handsome nature of him tonight, in the suit and the Elvis hair and lack of nail polish, etc. Simon disagrees with Kara: it was the best performance of the night. Oh, I'm so happy! The whole room is sort of on fire right now, and everybody's sort of fidgety and weird -- like always -- but in this case it's because they're happy and not just because they're uncomfortably intrigued. Ryan's like, "So you win tonight, that's fun." Adam can't handle any of this, which makes it even more awesome.
However will we come down from this high?Oh, hello Danny Gokey, smarming once again into the camera like a scary uncle. That's how. I'm going to watch that whole thing again first, I have no pride at this point that would prevent me from telling you that. I wish Adam and Matt would get evicted like immediately so they could have their own show where they sing a couple of songs, and say some interesting things about stuff, and just call it a night. Ryan can come too. I never quite resolved my stuff with David Cook but I will say that without him, there would be no Adam, and so I am happy about David Cook both for his own personal awesomeness and for what he forced onto the table for this year. That is cool. Also cool: Scarfy McHotterson sitting with Adam's posse.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_performances_1.php?page=11
Matt G took two things that are not really all about sex -- himself and the song about getting it on -- and managed to make that less true than you might think. Kris Allen did his whole thing, and was a movable feast as usual, but seems to be losing weight. Scott no longer has a place in this competition, but becomes personally cooler every week. Megan Joy never had a reason to be here, and loses ever more charm each week. Anoop is a serious contender and his voice is like a well-trained beast that will get you a beer from the fridge. Sarver is a well-trained beast that will get you a beer from the fridge. Lil was awesome in about six decades at once. Adam Lambert explained through words and pictures that he is going to be winning this shit nine weeks from tonight. Danny Gokey has a voice and a cuteness, which is just not enough, and we've officially seen all he's got to offer. And then there's Allison, who is a weird savant at being on this show.
Tomorrow: Smokey/Joss Stone, Roooooben, and one of these poor jerks gets put through the PoV torture chamber before being eliminated. Assuming Allison doesn't get dicked around again, you're looking at: Adam, Matt, Anoop and Allison for the best of the night, and Lil and Danny because they're solid and good at this. Kris and Scott are probably safe, which leaves Megan and Sarver, and I feel like I've said that ten times already and my fear is that I'll say it ten more times before we're done, and Sarver will be pounding it 'til kingdom come. For me, I'd put Scott in the bottom three with them, but I doubt that's how it'll play out. This crazy show, with such talented people! What are you thinking, Idol?
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_performances_1.php?page=13
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 12, 2011 1:25:41 GMT -5
Two Inches Or A Yard By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 24 | Aired on 2009.03.26 Top 10: Results - Things get rough for our little roughneck, but the Judgery are both cruel and just, which is how they got the job. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_results_2.php
Ryan calls last night "eclectic," which is an interesting word for what it was, which was sort of so well-done that it was boring (everybody), or so weird and horrible that it should go away post-haste (Sarver and Megan), or Adam who is not in a category of any kind to the point that if you think he is, poof he is not. Unless that category is "Things Smokey Robinson Loves More Than Kittens," of course.
Okay medley time, after a little technical fuckuppery. Allison is dressed like a daycare worker, Megal is dressed like a Farrah Fawcett poster on the garage floor, and Lil is dressed like Nadia Turner's mom. They are lipsynching the shit out of it. Why. Why do we even have to watch this, if there's no chance of a fiery wreck? When does this become Sonny & Cher Variety Hour or whatever? The guys are pretty hard to take running through the medley ("You're All I Need To Get By," "Ain't No Mountain") with really lame toe-touching dance moves, lots of white light, and monochrome footage of Diana Ross and the inside of a building. And I don't know how to spell Berry Gordy, and that word is rubato; and last year I didn't know to spell Berry Gordy or what that word was; and next year I won't know how to spell his name, or what that word means. Lil and Adam get the big solos, and do a great deal with them as usual.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_results_2.php?page=1
Then the Idols put together a picture of like a lovely country road that they can drive their pimpmercial cars down, while singing "Pocketful Of Sunshine" in boring, monotone voices, but they look very pretty.
So a little bavardage about how they flew to Detroit some more, and then: screaming meemies in the audience, yes, Adam is safe of course, so whatever. Matt had a solid performance and was a front-runner, but is IN THE BOTTOM THREE. Mike goes, "Bullcrap!" and it's really cute. Matt heads over to the stools while his people in the audience freaks out because people are booing this decision, and somehow they think that he is being booed, so they get all stressed out and weird about it. Nice. Megan says something weird to Adam, who is not interested, and then Kris stands up. The judges liked him, but think he needs more self-belief. Simon laughs at this. Ryan goes, "And Kris... Wow. You too... Are safe." Kris has been gotten once again. Then Ryan asks Lil and Mike to stand up together. Now that's just mean.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_results_2.php?page=2
[Anoop, Allison and Danny are safe.]
Megan holds onto Scott like a drowning woman while Adam's soul slowly dies inside behind them.
[Megan safe. Scott, bottom three.]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_results_2.php?page=5
[Stevie Wonder sings.]
And then there's Danny Gokey dancing around like the toolshed he is, which normally would befoul my mood immediately, but LOOK! STEVIE! Paula sings the "Overjoyed" song to Simon, and leans in for a kiss, and Kara acts like a douchebag a little bit in her chair, and Adam dancing in the couches is... Everybody's acting like a dork. It's sweet, really, but I wish I weren't watching it. Stevie makes everybody dork out like they're Oprah. Is there anything harder to watch than Oprah having a good time?
The person with the lowest votes is... Michael Sarver. Duh.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_results_2.php?page=7
[Jacob's recording cut off, but we know the judges did not save Michael.]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_10_results_2.php?page=8
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 12, 2011 6:12:18 GMT -5
Top 9 Performance Play That Funky Music (Wild Cherry)
"What Sucks The Most?" By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 25 | Aired on 2009.03.31 Top 9: Performances - Everything. Everything sucks in this episode. People dressed like clowns, clowns singing like they're people, Danny and Megan are still here... It's just a nightmare, a ninety- minute nightmare. What happened? www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_performances_1.phpAnoop is going nerdcore again, which is nice and works for him if you don't look closely at it. Matt I can't see through Megan's high-waisted mom jeans everybody is wearing right now, I guess to make themselves look like moms. Kris looks delightful, Lil looks like a Golden Globes announcer nobody recognizes, Scott's in all black and Adam continues to look disconcertingly male. Allison, man. She is also wearing a hot pink bridal cake, but it's pregnant with stupidity...[Jacob continues to rant about Allison's outfit for the next 1 1/2 paragraphs]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_performances_1.php
And Adam, will he be doing something totally fucked up? Oh yes. "Play That Funky Music," of course. Like he's in a musical about funky white people, with one hand on his squirrel, making strange plosive sounds with his mouth, twirling on the stage, twisting the time signature around and around like it's stuck in a Topsy Tail, screaming on his knees he will sing it. It's kind of like church, if church were a discotheque full of snakes. At the end he is so out of control he's like WOOOOO! Not of his own volition, and Paula is actually on her stomach wriggling toward him.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_performances_1.php?page=9
Paula gives a wild speech comparing him to Jagger and Tyler, Simon calls him "brave" and a welcome antidote to the bullshit preceding, and they agree he was clearly having the time of his life. I like it when Adam has a good time, because it makes everybody in the room go absolutely shit-hot nuts, which is exciting. He praises the band and their overwhelming arrangement, and then Kara says she -- like all of us -- pretty much waits for this show to get to the Adam part to see what the fuck he's going to pull. Then she compares it to Studio 57, which is I think like Studio 54 but with 57 separate ingredients, like a delicious condiment that perhaps you would like to eat with some french fries. The three extra ingredients are even more gayness, mindbending WTF, and technically keeping the pants on. Studio 54 is kind of like church with snakes, actually. Kara and me, sometimes it's like this, but we usually get back to this pretty quick. Ryan says something that makes Adam laugh about how he needs to loosen up, and then tries to climb inside his jacket.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_performances_1.php?page=10
...Adam did a great job but was neither memorably bizarre nor bizarrely memorable as in past weeks...
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 12, 2011 12:10:58 GMT -5
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 12, 2011 13:02:20 GMT -5
Top 9 Group Performance Don´t stop Believing by Journey + Adam Results
Top 9 Ford Commercial Mixed Up
Try It With The Sound Off Next Time By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 26 | Aired on 2009.04.01 Top 9: Results - Megan's Bob Marley abomination fights her real talents, but they come out swinging 0 for two. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_results_1.phpRyan does some cleanup as far as the idiots that yelled at Kara last night. (Main idiot was supposedly Megan Joy's brother. -- Angel) She gives yet another canned speech, this time about how getting heckled is actually a sign that she's a part of the family and doing her job and being the hardass that she so continually tries to be. To lots of boos, ironically. Kara, don't sweat it. Getting booed even ten percent of Simon's boos means you're fifty times better than the other two. Paula says something about conviction and enthusiasm and does the cleanup thing after her particular love of Adam last night, saying that all of them are super great. Ryan asks Simon who should be worried: Anoop, Matt, and Megan. And he'll stop there, because that's ... all he needed to say.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_results_1.php
The group song is one of my all-times, "Don't Stop Believing," which I experienced live last summer thanks to my friend Joelene, who took me to Journey at the Backyard and pretty much changed my life. It seems less lip-synchy right now than it has weeks past, which is nice... Oh, except for Scott, who makes it very clear indeed that they are lipsynching. Well, it was nice to believe for one moment. I don't care to care, because this song is great and it's not in any way interesting as an arrangement: here's nine people singing in chorus a wonderful song, with people taking various lines for their solo. Thought they were doing it live, had to stop believing. Directly contradicting the song. ( Randy was supposedly in Journey, for a hot minute, or so he constantly claims. Why didn't they let him play with the kids and show off these bass skills he's always bragging about? -- AC)
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_results_1.php?page=2
Allison and Gokey are pretty much the standouts, along with obviously Lambert doing his whole deal, so that's nice. Then lots of fists in the air, because don't stop believing, and it's over. Way to pair the most awfullest pimpmercial with the best group sing in a really long time, show. Wednesday really is learning.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_results_1.php?page=3
Megan stands up and then Matt alongside her, then Kris. So that's a good spectrum of Not Going Anywhere, Hidden Awesomeness, and Abomination. The second trio is Adam, Lil, and Allison. None of whom should be going anywhere, except maybe Allison just for not always bringing it, and because I worry. Ryan, are you doing that thing where the person has to pick? Isn't that seven people? Anyway, Scott, Danny and Anoop are group three, who I think are all pretty much safe and don't deserve it. So Ryan says one of these groups could be the B3, after David Cook sings.
So obviously the bottom three is Megan who sucks taint, Matt who should win this shit but never will, and Kris who is too many things happening at once, very softly, to ever matter. And I would say based on the fact that they are secretly awesome that they are both safe but in the bottom three, and it's Megan that's gone. But then, I got spoiled and know the facts, so I will only privately pat myself on the back. Because obviously Adam and Lil are okay, so Allison is fine, and Scott and Danny save Anoop by being with him, so either it's Megan or it's my actual favorite, Matt, or my Stephenie Meyers hormonal fantasy boyfriend (and secretly legit) favorite Kris, either of which would cause me to flip out, and they already did that last night, so there you go. Which means in two weeks we'll get to see Danny Gokey do his spin on the "Which group is safe?" thing, which would make even a non-douche look like one. I am frothing for it.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_results_1.php?page=5
Adam/Lil/Allison. Lil's "I Surrender" was pretty much boring and not even trying, but of course she's safe -- and looking fabulous! -- even though Simon looks like he's about to start secret cutting. Allison looked retarded and pretended to be fake and stupid, but it was not really pretending, and she will keep doing that shit, and I will keep loving her regardless. She's actually in the B3! So it's stupid hair, stupid tats, and I really hope stupid Anoop to come. Adam was compared to Jagger and Jesus and all the other rockstars of history, and is safe.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_results_1.php?page=7
[Megan is out.]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_9_results_1.php?page=9
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 12, 2011 15:04:59 GMT -5
Top 8 Mad World by Tear for Fears
Gary Jules Version From Donnie Darko
"Yeah, But I Make More Sense, Paula" By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 27 | Aired on 2009.04.07 Top 8: Performances - Songs from the Year you were Born, usually a trainwreck, starts with some throat-clearing but eventually evens out into a surprisingly tender onslaught of awesome. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_performances_1.php
Ooh, The Year You Were Born! That takes the sting off not being able to see Ryan's tie bar that he's been obsessing about all day on twitter. I love Year You Were Born.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_performances_1.php
Next up is Kris, who is already cuter than any baby, talks a bit about what they did on their day off. He went to the beach and rode the Ferris wheel, because that's how he rolls. Then the "instructor" [sic] of the Ferris wheel gave him a free ride and asked him to say hi to Adam, which cracks Ryan right up: "So you can't wait to ride it again, huh?"
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_performances_1.php?page=3
I am very appreciative about how they put Allison, Matt and Adam at the end. Firstly because I love them with my whole heart, probably about equally, but also because it says that they constitute amazing drama between the three performances. You know how strongly I feel about the way the producers line up the songs in terms of what's going to make it a kick-ass show, which has the ironic feedback logic of making you think that they're putting certain performances in "pimp spots" or whatever, when in fact what is good is good, and it's not a coincidence. But also, I like it because it means my Silver break didn't do something terrible like keep me up until 2AM just so I could hear Gokey and Scott as the last things before I go to sleep and have more dreams about Pander the Panda crashing through LA like the Staypuft Man, snatching people's tragedies and stuffing them into his panda bear mouth for Q points and text votes. I'd rather dream about Adam. I mean, but not like in a gay way.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_performances_1.php?page=7
Thank goodness I taped Fringe this week, not that I'll be watching it, because that's the end of the show, and I'm already beside myself wondering what Adam will sing, and what he will perpetrate on it. I would almost like to see him jump in with the whole sweet jam thing they've got going this week, but then given the flops of the singer-singery people like Lil and Matt, tonight might be the night for him to give us the full Whitney. Or... I mean, like there are words for what he's going to do anyway, or it's possible to see into the future enough to guess what randomness he's going to pull, so why try?
Ryan: "Adam. Back in the day. Ever wondered?" HA! Yeah, I'm going to need extensive photo reference to understand how we got from a little baby to this. Assuming 29 January 1982 isn't actually just the date his spacecraft crash landed on a farm. Aquarian and an alien? It's all starting to make sense. Adam discusses his predilection for "dressup" -- capes, masks, hats of various sorts -- over the mundane sports and whatever. He got into a "grownup" period, and his parents obliged with a three-piece and a little moustache. That's the best thing I've ever heard. No wonder he turned out so awesome.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_performances_1.php?page=8
"Mad World," the not-Tears For Fears version, sung sitting on a white chair, lit by unearthly blue light. Maybe Adam actually is Donnie Darko. I could buy that. He sings it right at that sweet spot at the place where his voice is high but still strong, and then all the falsetto is completely unscreechy. It's understated and confident, and very beautiful. Ethereal, that's the word you're going to be hearing about this. The crowd goes absolutely nuts. What a lovely rendition, and way better than the rest of the night. Simon Cowell gives his ass a standing ovation, is how awesome it was.
So: Danny Gokey did Al Green doing the hokey-pokey and looked like the ass he always is; Kris Allen was fun but forgettable and a little too slow; Lil did a great job of being somebody slightly less boring some more; Anoop zigged after zagging last week, continuing his record of measured oscillation; Scott just gently sucked and needs to go home already; Allison did a great job but still isn't pushing into the top tier she should be; Matt gave a great performance at the expense of his perfect voice; and Adam Lambert put his dick away just long enough to give us something worth loving.
Anoop I think has pulled out of his slump, and always does better when he actually sings, so I'd be surprised if he went. So of Kris, Scott, and Allison, who has the extracurricular thing that makes up for their continuing inability to distinguish themselves? Kris maybe gets by on his actual raw talent, Scott is here for no reason at this point, and Allison is perpetually imperiled, so I'd say it's a three-way tie no matter how talented she is. America, please do the right thing with Scott and stop being so goddamn patronizing. It's over and we all know it.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_performances_1.php?page=9
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 12, 2011 15:40:04 GMT -5
Top 8 Group Performance + Adam Results
Can't Get You Out Of My Head by Kylie Minogue
Top 8 Ford Commercial Magic Show
Circus by Britney Spears
The Search Is Over... For You By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 28 | Aired on 2009.04.08 Top 8: Results - America, pat yourself on the back for no longer patting yourself on the back, and letting Scott go home. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_results_2.php
So they sing "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" so very poorly that I guess they're not lipsynching this week, and they're doing this because of the year American Idol was born. And every time you think they're going to medley, they just sing more repetitive verses of that song, and parade sort of listlessly around the stage in different combinations, and Adam and Lil once again have half the solos, and it's over. Not that interesting, due to the horrible sounds of it all and Lil's weird Thunderdome outfit that looks like she scavenged it from a combination sex club/auto detailer.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_results_2.php
You know what's more boring that pimpmercials? Behind The Scenes Of Pimpmercials. And you know what's more boring than that? Watching some hottie emo motherfucker dude too old for his own bangs dressing them all up like if Alex DeLarge shopped at Kmart and acting as though he's an auteur and not ripping off the ripoff of a ripoff that was that one Panic! video. However, I think Adam is wearing a dress, because apparently we just forgot to hate gay people lately. Or maybe it's just Adam.
Okay no, it's a big white trenchcoat. And then Kris and Matt act like stage magicians, which they seem to have interpreted as "effeminate and creepy," probably because they're all so young all they know of magic is having their Minds Freaked. And then for all that setup, the whole thing is like ten seconds long, with lots of dramatic pointing at cars and an exhausted and uninteresting group cover of "Circus," which you have to admit is 99% sound effects if you even like it at all, and then more pointing, and it's dumb. That shit was lavish, yet pointless. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that pimpmercial would have been vastly improved by being twice as long. God, that feels dirty to say.
Anoop talks about his heterosexual pain in having to wear glitter on his face just like everybody else, and people cheer. Ryan asks how Adam felt when Simon stood up ("on his lifts") for Adam's performance, and Adam sends the sweetest of all vibes over at Simon, because he is a pumpkin pie of a person. Meanwhile, Matt's special visitor is the Mayor of Kalamazoo. Though I love them both equally, I submit to you that these two moments illustrate perfectly the difference between the two of them.
Stand up, Adam, while everybody screams and shits themselves for you. Stand up, Kris, so people can do the same but squealier. Anoop, stand up if you're not feeling too snotty to do so. Adam is consistently wonderful and has managed to shove this show in the chest like it's fronting at a bar and needs to cash the checks its mouth is writing. He is obviously safe, and will live to instruct this show on how it should be operating for another week. Kris rearranged that Henley song into "boring," "disappointing" crap; Anoop managed to pull a Bad Boyfriend on us by apologizing just in time, and rising to the occasion once again. But between the two of them, Anoop is wildly inconsistent and Kris -- though boringly consistent and consistently boring -- is sex on wheels. So Anoop's stooling it tonight.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_results_2.php?page=2
[Scott is out.]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_8_results_2.php?page=6
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Post by 4Ms on Sept 12, 2011 16:20:23 GMT -5
Top 7 Performance Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf
Bring Out The Gimps By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 29 | Aired on 2009.04.14 Top 7: Performances - You love movies, you love music, the Idols decide they hate both under Tarantino's tutelage. Tonight, apparently, we are going "big time"; this means that we're watching these kids sing music from the movies, in the presence of Quentin Tarantino, also from the movies.
[...they screwed up last week because they let the judges talk to much, so each contestant only gets comments from two judges, instead of all four.-- Angel]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_7_performances_1.php
The pianist watches QT deal with Adam Lambert, and he's a total fan of course because there isn't a book long enough to contain all of Tarantino's weird sex stuff, whereas Adam's so okay with his that he makes it look easy. Not that stops QT from enjoying, as he says, a "taste" of Adam. Why are you here? Adam is singing "Born To Be Wild," a song that I wish were not so prevalent because the lyrics are really neat, like on paper it's one of my all-time top five favorites, but the song itself, actually listening to the song, it just gets on my nerves. Well, but then add some Adam to it, and you know... Whatever, hip thrust, crazy sounds and scary faces, time changes, giant light show, screaming, head banging, head banging whilst roger rabbiting which is harder than it looks if you've made the right choice to avoid actual skanking, ten-minute ovation. I wish that I didn't find that song so played, so I could have enjoyed that. Instead it just seemed like Barbie, like how Barbie goes to the beach and goes to be a nurse and gets in a rocket ship but really it's just Barbie all the time in different outfits. That was Adam doing all his Adam shit but not really giving you a reason for any of it.
Paula congratulates Adam on "daring to dance in the path of greatness" and reminds him that "fortune rewards the brave," nothing ventured is nothing blamed, a kitchen lime smells fine, whatever whatever. Simon loved the vocals, but thought the overall performance was Rocky Horror, which of course Adam doesn't even understand the problem with that, because he's theatre people, and tells him this week he won't rate as high as last week. Which is totally true. Simon says last week was way better, which technically it was, and but dude, how many awesome songs did he not do? You could get twice the votes singing "Origin Of Love," no matter how many people have never heard that song, because this is one of your weeks. And instead, all your weird shit at once.
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If I somehow had to choose this week, the obvious answer would be "Man In Motion." The lyrics, while weird, are not essentially all that different from "Born To Be Wild," but the song itself doesn't make me want to jump off a building, so it's perfect. Plus, that song makes people feel crazy and strong like "Eye Of The Tiger." You could sing the shit of that song, and everybody would go insane and start chewing on their arms and each other. Like, even if you weren't Adam, that song would drive everybody around the bend.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_7_performances_1.php?page=8
Allison did a rockin' version of the asteroid animal crackers song, Anoop proved he's the Scott Savol and has no reason to be here beyond his ability to pretend to sing, Adam was disappointing but continued to excel at being Adam, Matt G got lost in the shuffle once again with a proficiently boring performance, Danny's wife died some more, Kris blew the roof off the place perfectly for the first time, and Lil gave her best performance yet. So where does that leave us? Adam's fine, and you can't say he was phoning it in so much as having chosen a song that phones it in for you; Danny's not going anywhere; Lil and Kris just bought their way back in. Allison and Matt did the same thing they always do, which is dangerous, and while I'm tempted to say Anoop finally pushed his luck too far, I also think he's pinpointed what he needs to do to stay. Frankly, I'm stumped because I enjoyed few enough of tonight's performances that I'm thinking it's me that is having the off night, so I'm not committed to predicting it this time. However, in terms of technique the pack has left Anoop behind yet again, so maybe it's his turn.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_7_performances_1.php?page=10
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