I read this article, "How To Love More By Caring Less" a while ago, when it was posted by Hoopla ( I think) and I found it very interesting, especially from a viewpoint of a self-confessed doting ( [coughs] aka overbearing, hovering) mother. I tried to let loose a little and got an instant guilt trip of not caring enough. I was not surprised: my brain works in weird ways, all of them invariably leading to a dead end street called 'It's my fault'. Luckily, my kids turned out great - I must have been doing something right.


However, I do not find this article applicable in the recent 'elephant' gate, or Adam stanning in general; at least not in my case. I am not saying that all fans should be this emotionally invested, maybe it would be good for Adam to have a bulk of less caring fans; also, those two or three persons who spammed Adam and his family with all kinds of pathological tweets might find it useful ( though I am not hopeful about that). Without pretending to have any psychological knowledge about anything, I will say that I was worried sick, because I care about Adam, a lot (like we all do, I know, I know); I had very bad feelings about his relationship( I will not even try to explain how it was generated, whether it was Twitter's fault, or cray fans fault, or the fault of my too vivid imagination); I was not alone in my feelings; I suspected that Adam might feel bad about this, very bad ( if it turned out to be true). I was afraid that he might be unhappy. To end this deductive but surely confusing reasoning - that elephant took a permanent residence on my chest for the last couple of days and refused to move his fat butt. I was in serious pain, let me tell you. I cannot see how it would be more normal, or appropriate, or better to care less in this situation, because if I cared less, I would like myself less.


I felt uncomfortable reading some posts for the past few days. I do not know if it is tackier to quote them, or to remain vague about it, I really do not want to offend anyone. As for myself, I decided not to post. I am not ashamed to say that I sometimes deal with problems by shutting my eyes and waiting for them to go away. They sometimes do, and this one did, in a sense that I am feeling much better today. But do not listen to me; I am also a person who is not ashamed to admit hating the Grammys with the passion of a thousand fiery suns for not nominating Adam and having no moral issues about loving them to pieces again, once they do nominate him. That would be a part of my point - I feel, I empathise, I care, as we all do here; just in different ways. My ways are a bit over the top. Slightly mad, perhaps, frantic and feverish. The only unacceptable thing would be not to care, in my opinion.  Kudos to all those who can remain uninvolved, who can not care; they will certainly lead long lives. I cannot not care, for sure, and I am not comfortable around those who can.


Am I beating a dead horse here? Probably, the gate seems to be over. But, the main purpose of this post is to give a huge hug to all Adamtopians who were worried sick like I was - know that you had and will always have a fellow sufferer in me. More importantly, I want to hug and kiss and express my gratitude to all those who had the balls to post yesterday, prior and after the ban ( especially after), voicing their fears and worries; I have no idea if it was a right thing to do, to discuss; but my heart leapt towards them just as it did towards Adam, seriously missing the physical touch with some of you here; but your words have caressing fingers, they are truly magical - they helped me heal, deal and seal the issue. They made me feel not alone - a very important thing. They felt warm and human and real.


Here are my confessions of a dangerous mind - I say f*ck the Grammys for not nominating Adam ( I got criticized for having tunnel vision and lacking general pop culture knowledge for that. Ha! Bring it on: ); I care A LOT about his feelings ( what am I then? A gossip girl? A cray? Whatever: ). I was shocked to silence for the past few days and every word which came to my mind felt so wrong, so not enough or too much - I have no idea where I found the strength to refrain from posting. But this post, again sounding so wrong even to me,  making me regret and question myself, is for my soulmates here. My last confession - I am a doting ( [coughs] aka overbearing, hovering) Adam stan and Adamtopian. Find a drawer for me and put me there if you wish, label it however you want - just make sure it is big enough, I am sensing I will have a big company there.

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