It's been 24 hours since I ate the best meal of my life: Texas BBQ brisket, deep-fried okra, hush puppies, coleslaw - at a place called 'Slow Bone' in Dallas. Then it was off to the airport, and the journey home.
I never thought I'd see Texas or Oklahoma. Another foray into the unknown I wouldn't have experienced, were it not for Adam.
An anthology of memories - tucked into two days.
It began with foggy car windows - the kind that appear with heavy breathing and tension and excitement - usually on a darkened hilltop. For us, it was as we headed to the airport, full of that heady anticipation of what was to come. Damn - the words, the laughter, the friendship, the music and the cold morning felt like Christmas Eve or the first date with one you know will love you back.
Just a couple of years ago, I didn't tell folks about Adam. Well, this time our little group of Atopians broadcast our reason for being to everyone we met! The concierge, wait staff, random folks in the airport or elevator - everyone was surprised we had flown to Dallas and WinStar to see Adam Lambert. They recognized his name; and the universal response was "I loved him on Idol! He should have won." No one we met in Dallas knew that Adam was performing only 90 minutes away. But everyone indicated they wish they had known!
This is a change.
On the morning of the 31st I woke up at my usual dark-thirty. Checked the thread, and OMG!! Adam was already in Thackersville!
Time to get the party started! Rallied the troops (who may never want to share a hotel suite with me again) and after a visit to the JFK Museum (I confess - being 13 years old on 11/22/63 I remember every detail; the audio tour was poignant and sad and necessary) we lit up the I35E/N (Interstate 35 east, heading north?) towards Thackersville.
As we drove, must have seen a half-dozen billboards advertising Robin Thicke's concert in March. Not one billboard for Adam. ???
Churches. BIg church venues.
Big adult bookstores.
The Universe was with us. This is the Midwest/Southwest in winter! We feared ice, snow, sleet, rain, loss of internet directions! Instead we were gifted a sunny, calm bluesky day. Stopped at the WalMart in Gainesville to pick up party supplies. Ha! Didn't take long before we were totally separated! Someone needed band-aids and lotion; someone needed hairspray; someone needed a bathroom; I needed to find the grocery section! We loaded our carts with chips & dip and cheap wine, and soon the GPS told us it was time to exit the freeway.
To where? OH! There it was! WinStar! A facade of buildingfronts from cities around the world; framed by hotel structures that were about 12 stories high. I've since learned that the casino itself is over a mile long. I believe it. Adam was in there somewhere.
The Universe stayed with us. Valet took the cars (we had three!). Rooms were ready, and they were next door to one another. Looking around, familiar faces were in abundance. "I saw you in Vancouver!" "I met you in London!" "We were in the same hotel in Paso Robles!"
On and on. It was a convention, a reunion of like souls. We were in a 'random' restaurant (one of twenty-two in the casino) and fellow Adamtopians, fellow friends, came by . . . what should we be called? a sorority? a club? a society? a union? a gathering? Glamberts?
I don't know.
I do know that when I kneeled on the floor and pressed my ear to the sound check a few minutes later, no one there was surprised. This is what Adam fans do.
Several pre-parties were going on. No doubt, there were enough Adam fans to compliment them all. I wanted the afternoon and early evening to slow down. After waiting and longing for this night for months on end, it was happening too quickly. Well, rats! The universe spun. No band sightings - - the only 'clue' was one of the Adam entourage hit the elevator for floor 11.
So many faces at the pre-party! I loved every one.
When people have two names; one 'real' name and one for Adamtopia - help me, lawd. I was in joyland! Be patient with me . . . after four years, I'm starting to make the associations!
Here comes the best part. The part this piece of me lives for.
I knew he'd dress up. NYE? It's a party and he pays attention to what he learned from his mom.
Hello, Adam! Voice like the purest ringing bell.
Because I want to learn more about fashion
I immediately noticed the fullness of his trousers. Very fitted around the waist and hips, but looser through the legs.
You're welcome.
The first songs just flew by. Naked Love? Already?! Shirt buttons came undone; but that sparkley jacket?
I don't have the setlist in front of me. If I did, this post would become impossibly long.
You see, when Adam sings my compass spins.
Adam never loses his way. I marvel at all these little hand signals he gives to his sound people. His graceful fingers wiggle and point upwards and sideways and I know he's saying something to someone. This boy can multi-task! He reconfigures the sound with his gestures; but doesn't miss a moment living in the song. Genius.
I can't remember my path. My emotions and my logic and my sense of time and space collide and I'm left with wonder.
Mad World was madly orgasmic.
I watched Adam's ethereal thighs in 'Lay Me Down'. If that isn't the best gif ever in the history of the world, well, just lay me down.
I want to live in the Red House and call him back home, moan for him back home.
When Adam called out Security for the videos, I took out my iphone - just like he asked - and took a dozen photos! I hadn't noticed the little elderly man who was watching the show right to the side of me . . . his family member was ecstatic when Adam noticed him!
Adam saw us singing 'Lay Me Down'. Nirvana. I think he loved that we knew the words.
WinStar was the best performance of my life.
I've said it times before. If you want to think I'm crying 'wolf' I'll live with the wolf.
Adam is the master of his ship, and my awe will only propel him as he fast forwards.
He is IT.
We knew it; but that isn't why I'm here. I don't care if he never has a #1 pop song. I don't care if he isn't in 'PEOPLE' mag or 'ET' with all the other 'stars' who will be forgotten in ten years. Adam is a breed apart. He is without precedence, There is no protocol or yardstick or past history of another who will define his progress or his approach or his excellence.
He can't 'open' for anyone. There is NO ONE who can follow him.
We need to believe in ourselves. Why are we here? Why do we follow this man? Is it because we think he'll be the 'male' Katy Perry?
Katy Perry???
Adam does not belong with Katy, or Gaga, or Bruno, or Miley, or . . . or . . . anyone.
Adam is music. Adam is the passionate encore; the tender lullaby. Adam is the otherworldly being that breaks open when the music starts. He inhabits the lyric and the chord. Wraps himself into every note; sustains the pianissimo or legato and brings a physical, emotional presence to every phrase and every breath. Everything has meaning because he is naked on the stage.
We don't even have to know the words or the meaning. All we have to do - all we need to do - is listen. The voice; dare I say, the voice of god - - - is singing.
I felt it again. I can hardly remember! I knew every word and I sang and sang and sang.
I will be there again, to capture another moment! Can't seem to hold on.
His joy is like a bursting white light on the stage.
His confidence - which allows him to project that joy - is in every move he makes.
He is charting his course. He is 'shining when he wants to shine'.
He is creating his life and his future.
He is dependent upon no one but himself; this is the way he wants it to be.
We had a little party after the concert.
So proud to say that even before midnight three security guards showed up at our room!!
I'm sure I told them to 'fuck off' - - -that's what my imaginative mind tells the defiant me.
Maybe all I did was just close the door.
I remember. Trespassing. We shined. We played. We learned. We understood. We flailed - oh, yes we did!
We became better friends.
So, now I'm home.
Better for a little Texas; better for Red House and Lay Me Down; better for Chokehold and AYGGMY and OLL and the New Year and hopes I have for my family, my friends, my world.
I'm better for the love, the conversations, the sharing we had at WinStar. Don't want to sugarcoat how we are; our individual burdens. There is something, though, when breakfast is shared after a long night - a sparkling night of longing that came and went in the blink of an eye - and the only thing left in the aftermath is love between strangers who live a continent apart. All that's necessary is to see truth in each other's eyes.
Sappy but true. Oh, so true.
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I'm so happy for you! 
