Welcome to the conversation!

mirages - I found this scene in a dried out puddle. It rained for days before and this was the first beautiful day with sunshine - which is always a wonderful opportunity to take pics, because nature looks so clean and fresh then
The flower was already on the ground, I think maybe a child put it in there? The scene looked so beautiful and special that I had to take the pic. I decided to reduce the photo to b/w and heighten the contrast because I thought it looked best graphical and plain.

In photography there are 2 kinds of photographers: the planners and the snappers. I know photographers who plan a single shot for days, some even for months and I admire them for their patience. But that's so NOT me  I develop my pics spontaneously and with only a vague idea in my head. For me photographing is a creative process and I often find myself lying on the ground taking mushroom-pics when my first idea was taking big landscape-panoramas.

But this spontaneity is the part that I like best .... I'm in love with photographing and I am a lucky, LUCKY girl that I can earn a living with it (2 of my 3 jobs involve photography)

Hello again, toramenor. I wanted to come back to this because it opened up my poem about being lost and yet at home in a new way for me. I knew I had a deep sense of satisfaction about that poem (although it's a small and plain thing) and couldn't figure out why, but what you wrote here opened it up for me:  what so pleases me about it is that it expresses one of those blissful moments of unclenching from our own expectations and hoped-for outcomes, and a relenting to the present moment, the experience of living Right Now. So thank you for showing me that!

How wonderful to read everyone’s thoughts in these pages and the lovely discussions. I loved reading the poetry and learning some more about people here that I'm not so familiar with yet, so hello to iris, nocturnal, rosepetal and toramenor.

I’ve been immersed in Queen + Adam this last month, and truthfully have not felt like coming out of the water too much until now. I’ve found some of the photography, in particular, from the concerts quite mesmerising. So augenpoesie and chapf, I really appreciate your visual creativity here as well. Here’s one my friend took, where I just love the soft golden glowing light - it felt quite magical:



At my first concert, I had the pleasure of meeting Roy, and I felt a few pangs of jealousy that he travelled the world following the concerts. I know nothing about him, really, but I felt that longing to be free in that way, just to do as I pleased for an extended time, rather than in short bursts. My life is one of incredible privilege compared to ninety-five percent of the world’s population, and I did feel quite ashamed of myself that enough didn't seem enough. Another reminder of the danger of comparison and looking outward, and another exercise in self-discipline and gratitude. Mindfulness was mentioned later in this thread, so yes, again, constantly.

If it’s ok, I’d like to go back to my initial conversation with mirages and just finish off a few thoughts before moving on.


I think, in part, we are made to feel ridiculous and we have internalised why, and others have done so as well. And unlike Adam, and for women in particular given our socialisation, it can take a long time to master the art of, I don’t care what you think.

The experience of fandom for young and adolescent girls is analysed in patronising terms as primarily a safe psychosexual phase that will and ought to be ‘grown out of’ or normed and controlled into an appropriate expression for adult women. Therefore it is seen as regressive and pathologised in older women, no matter what the basis of attraction is for each individual as young women or as adults.

Women are also made impassive in this view, being the subject of and (sexually) manipulated by more powerful males both on and off the stage to the point of loss of control – hence all the descriptors and judgement of hysteria, obsession and losing our minds. A more empowering view is that women young and older simply like the exhilaration of being free – to scream if they want, dance, let go and have fun, feel sexually excited in a way that can’t be controlled by others, fantasise.

I have rarely seen fandom analysed so condescendingly for young men in general – their experience is validated simply because it is male, in a way denied to us as the 'other' – identification needs etc are being met if the fandom is for a sport (for older men and women as well) and it is otherwise quite ok for men in any context if it is a pop/rock star or band.

What’s also interesting is the reaction of my friends to my ‘fandom’ over time. When it first began, my sister absolutely understood and validated me – to the point of encouragement. Like you mentioned, she was happy to see more fun in my life, rather than such a focus on fulfilling responsibilities.

My other very close friends were also initially very supportive, but not to the point of encouragement. I’ve never had a habit of discussing Adam very frequently with them, but they pretty much shut down my excitement over the recent concerts, probably because they thought I would have/should have outgrown such ‘adolescent’ displays by now. And it was the women, rather than the men. It hurt, because I thought they understood better.


Yes. I also think those phases can apply to any search for connection with something greater than ourselves, looking within or outwards and to finding answers to our own internal puzzles. I’ve experienced it in political movements and other idealistic or esoteric paths I’ve travelled over the years.

I really appreciate comedians – the modern court jesters who won’t lose their heads for telling the truth. I also loved Russell's choice of heroes – they would all have been included on my list. I saw Chris Rock a few years ago and two of his major themes are racism and sexual politics. I can remember sitting there thinking, “You’re not going to say that, you’re not going to say that!” and yes, he did and it was thrilling, just as thrilling as when Adam speaks without his ‘filter’ sometimes.

His monologue on a white person’s right to use the ‘n’ word was quite brilliant. Sometimes getting to the point where we laugh at ourselves and our flaws is a very effective confrontation strategy. Many of my friends have used that tactic with me over the years and I find it much easier now to look at myself with humour, kindness and gentleness. It makes it easier to change as well, rather than battling through the tension that comes with the more critical voice that I internalised from my childhood.

The hero’s journey is a powerful inspiration. So too is the power of the muse. I relate to Adam more from a muse perspective; there is something about marvelling at some unattainable heroic characteristic that ought to be worshipped that doesn't ring true for me with Adam. The muse, like Adam himself is about inspiration as a vehicle to attaining our own inner mastery and expression; it is a statement of fundamental equality and I believe he very consciously wants to interact with people in this way.

We’re probably not disagreeing. I have no doubt that Adam’s personal values aligned with his business interests in this case and that he really does want to act with integrity across all planes. It’s just that I have worked in roles in very large and profitable companies where I’ve sat round the table, often with organisation psychologists and listened to debates centred on increasing customer and employee ‘engagement’. Really, it is all about overtly manipulating the best aspects of human nature and I couldn’t stomach it in the end.

I’ve also met Adam twice. The first time he was rushing and running behind time after doing a TV interview before his concert. He was lovely and he made the experience lovely, but he was in business mode, even though he still genuinely seems to like to meet new people. He's not a saint and did nothing wrong. The second time, there were no time pressures, he was very relaxed, his eyes and gaze were relaxed and you knew you were talking to an intensely sweet and astonishingly open human being for a couple of minutes.

I’m not naïve about business and I understand that he needs to flourish on this level as well, but I am idealistic about him and I simply want to quarantine the artist and human being because that is what is so precious to me.

This is now a very long post – much longer than intended – so I’ll come back to other topics a bit later.

juniemoon, when I read that your new business was off the ground and running and that you are well on the way to living how you imagine, I was so thrilled and happy. I know that it is not easy, requires bravery, and I’m so glad that it is happening for you.

mirages and nikki talked about fandom, so I'll give my 2 cents. I've never been a "true fan" of anything or anybody. Fan is short for fanatic, after all, and so I'm not surprised that you've likened fandoms to religious movements. Any sort of fanaticism, religious or otherwise, is very restrictive and so it awakens my inherent need and desire to reject it as I reject all dogmas. There should be a distinction in the mind between "following something/somebody blindly without question" (which is fanaticism), and "appreciating something/somebody as a kind of mirror for yourself". If you like one artist, but dislike another, this does not make the two artists better or worse - they are still who they are, and their work is still what it is - but it could tell you a lot about yourself: about your mind, your tastes, your life perhaps. It can be used as a mirror to see yourself and learn more about life in general. They say you should not argue about tastes. There are certain types of food I dislike immensely. This does not mean those foods are bad or harmful; there are plenty of other people who love eating them. So, my dislike does not say anything about the object of my dislike, but it does say something about me. It all comes down to perception again. We all perceive things differently. And because of that, no two people are precisely the same, so even the wisest of wise and the best of the best is a matter of perspective.

I could definitely name a lot of wise, inspiring, talented, etc. people whose work or achievements or words have affected me in one way or another, but I still don't consider myself to be part of their "fandom", --(no, not even Adam Lambert, even though I'm a member of this site, and even though I like him a lot)-- I take what they can "teach" me without worshipping them or trying to emulate them. Other people's wisdom (and when I say wisdom, I also mean talents, skills, etc.) may open our eyes to all the possibilities, but we shouldn't emulate them. We should simply take in what they have to offer, until we discover for ourselves that anything is possible. This realisation must come to us in our own time, on our own terms. Sometimes, we are not ready to understand it and even if others tell us it is so, it will not matter, for we need to discover it on our own. And that discovery is our life's journey. Thus it is always unique.  I may respect Gandhi (I use him as an example, since I've quoted him in my signature), but I do not wish to be him. I may enjoy Adam Lambert the singer and the entertainer, but I do not want to be him either. I may love to read a lot of different writers, but I do not want to be them, even though I want to be a writer. I want to be myself. More than that, I can only be myself.

That sounds so simple, and yet I find a lot of people are struggling with it. They try to copy others, those they admire, without thinking why they are doing so. If I see someone wearing a pair of shoes, am I going to buy them because they're in fashion and the person wearing them is a celebrity, or am I going to ask myself: are those shoes really right for me, do I really like them, am I willing to spend money on them? Maybe it's easier to fit in (whether that means wearing fashion or doing what your friends and family like or approve of or expect you to do), but who said life is supposed to be easier or harder? Life is supposed to be you being yourself, and whether that proves to be easier or harder than you thought, is again a matter of perspective. Easier or harder than what? Other people's lives? What makes you think you know what goes on inside the minds of other people? - you can't possibly know how hard or easy they have it (unless they tell you, but even then they may not be truthful or able to explain themselves fully). Comparing yourself with other people is pointless, and it can also give you a lot of pain and stress, especially if you convince yourself there is a "right" way to live. The bottom line is, there is no right or wrong way to be yourself. If somebody, therefore, tries to tell me how I should be, what I should feel, think or do, my response is: "let me decide for myself".