Adam Musings

Adam the Alpha Male

Posted on February 28, 2011 by mamadeb

Adam’s been called an “alpha male” pretty often in the forums and communities I frequent, as well as on my twitter feed. I do not like it. I’m not the only one who doesn’t like it, I’ve found, either. I’ve protested to deaf ears, but I maintain that this does not work for me.

One is simply biological – humans do not have alpha males. We are not organized in packs where only one male ever has the right to mate with the females. Droit de seigneur, where the feudal lord claims the wedding night of his female vassals, is about the closest we’ve come to it, and that’s not common. And it’s only the first night, too. (Still rape, still ugly, but not exclusivity.) Okay, maybe those huge polygynous families in the LDS fundamentalist compounds also approximates this, but there are very few such compounds that only consist of the one man and his wives – usually it’s a fair number of men with the harems. They do often discard young men who might otherwise marry the younger women, but it’s still not the same.

And, let’s be serious here. That mating thing? Isn’t going to happen.

Most would say they’re saying he’s a dominant born leader. Okay, I’m not going to argue about that. Adam’s absolutely a leader (want proof? Take a look at your twitter feed today, if you have one. It probably looks very different today than it did only a couple of days ago. And that’s true even if your twitter feed, like mine, didn’t really have many people using Adam’s face as their avatar. But Adam asked us to use our own pictures, so many of us are now using our own pictures. Even if, like me, they rarely tweet Adam at all. Because Adam asked, because Adam told us we were gorgeous even before most of us had a chance to change, we showed our faces to the world – or to those following our locked twitters. And if Adam asks, we at least consider it and often do it.)

So they’re right in part – Adam has a lot of the qualities of a born leader. He’s intelligent and decisive. He has a strong personality and a lot of charm. He’s highly charismatic. He’s loyal and inspires loyalty. And since he’s a good, decent, generous person, he makes people want to make him happy. Also, who wouldn’t move the planet for one of those smiles? Thank goodness he only wants to entertain us instead of rule the world, huh?

Here’s the thing that bugs me. Tell me, please, which of those characteristics, alone or taken as a whole, are at all masculine? Or feminine, for that matter? None, right? They’re gender neutral. Oh, society approves of leadership for men more than for women, unless it’s among women, but the qualities of leadership are the same for both. So, alpha, I’ll buy, even those this is NOT Huxley’s Brave New World and I don’t think anyone was allowed to be gay anyway. But alpha male…well.

I’m afraid it’s something a bit insidious, and probably unconscious. It’s why people are saying “male” – I also see people calling Adam “uber-masculine” in the same vein. They’re certainly commenting on his leadership abilities but they’re saying something else, too. They’re saying we know he’s gay but he’s not “gay-gay” – he’s all man, nothing but man, despite the hair and the make-up and the mannerisms and speech patterns. And most of them also say pretty much out there that they prefer him without the make-up and glitter, that he looks so more masculine and better without that.

I can think of a lot of reasons for this. They’re attracted to him, and don’t want to be attracted to someone who doesn’t fit their ideals of masculinity. There’s a significant part of our culture that believes attaching the word “feminine” to a man is an insult and they certainly don’t want to insult Adam. There is also people who do see leadership as a masculine thing, and female leadership is bitchy or diva behavior. If he’s such a leader….well. Which makes the epithet HBIC – Head Bitch in Charge – rather amusing.

And, of course, there is the physical thing. Adam is a big man – tall, broad-shouldered, strong, with powerful looking upper arms and thighs. Mighty-thewed, in fact. He also has a firm jawline, only partially blurred by the muscles he has from singing and the fact that bloating from exhaustion and weight gain go to his face. He therefore has a conventionally masculine silhouette and profile. His facial features are classic and strong, as well. He has body hair that he does not remove, large hands and large feet. And,well. Yeah. Blush. That, too. No one, not even those calling him “Madam”, doubt his maleness.

But he highlights his eyes with dyed lashes, eyeliner, shadow, and glitter. He covers his lips with gloss and sometimes even pale lipstick. He constantly plays with hairstyles. He gives major thought to his cologne. He sparkles with jewelry – it’s so much of a trademark that he got loaned pieces for his Grammy look. I don’t think that happens often for men. And he has a major love affair with accessories, too. In this culture, in the culture in which he was raised, this is feminine behavior.

Also feminine behavior in this culture – politeness. Deference. Tempering statements with compliments. High-pitched speaking voices. When I quote Adam, I can feel my vocal pitch rising. He CAN lower it. He did so, at least to my ears, when he did the summit meeting. Someone with his training both in singing and acting should be able to do that easily. He chooses to not do so, to remain in his comfortable level.

Oh, he’s a gentleman – he kissing hands, he opens doors, he hands his boyfriends into cars, he had his boyfriend hold his arm, instead of the revers (that actually makes staging sense, though – big Adam holding little Sauli’s arm looks like he’s dragging him around. The reverse looks, to American eyes, right.)

Adam himself has said that he embraces both sides of his personality – he’s both masculine and feminine and prefers it that way – he thinks that’s where sexiness lies. To deny his femininity because it makes one uncomfortable or ruins a fantasy is to deny an essential part of Adam. So would denying his masculinity, of course, but since that’s a positive, no one would do that.

And this is the other reason I don’t like the term “alpha male.” Not only does it deny women their ability to lead, to be alpha, but it also denies part of who he is and how he sees himself, and what is among the most compelling parts of a whole person. He is male, he is dominant. He is also beautiful and kind. And he’s feminine and strong. And above all, he’s proud of who and what he is, as we all should be about ourselves.

Posted with permission of author, MamaDeb

Adam the Artist: Living the Lifestyle

If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud. – Emile Zola



A few days ago I did a blog post about Adam as an artist, focusing on the way freedom of expression is so central to Adam’s character as a performer. Today I want to write about another aspect of what being an artist is all about: living the lifestyle.

When I first heard about this idea of living an artist’s lifestyle, the first thing I thought of was Moulin Rouge. Artists sit around drinking absinthe, hanging out with transvestites, and partying all night, right? Substitute tequila for absinthe and chalk up another one for Adam as a great artist!

Well, no. Living an artist’s lifestyle actually means something quite different (though it certainly allows for more partying than the average 9-5er can endure). What it means is embracing art not as an activity that one does for money or in one’s spare time, but as part of one’s everyday life and purpose.

I read once in an interview with Eber Lambert that he and Adam had many father-son struggles over Adam’s steadfast refusal to get a “real job” during his years as a struggling performer. Adam worked at the cosmetic counter at a department store in L.A., and was apparently so successful at selling makeup (can you imagine?) that he was offered a $50,000 a year job as a demonstrator. He declined. Adam also quit the cast of Wicked, a steady job in the arts, to try out for American Idol.

From Eber’s perspective, these were great opportunities and he was just being a good dad to try to urge Adam to think about security. But from an artist’s perspective, these great opportunities were death. For the truth is that creativity cannot be scheduled around someone else’s timetable, at which time you dig deep in your soul, embark on an amazing flight of fancy of song, dance, and costume, and then join your buddies in the bar for an absinthe brewski.

Instead of getting a job, Adam embraced the lifestyle of a modern-day bohemian. He lived life on his own terms. He wore clothes that stood out from the crowd, creating his own look that was original and innovative. He adopted an attitude of sharing openly what was on his mind, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, sexually. He immersed himself in art and made friends with all kinds of artistic people. He filled his days with music and poetry. He made time for random jam sessions with friends. He embraced the idea that peace, love, and creativity could change the world.

The specifics of Adam’s choices wouldn’t be right for everyone, but where he really went right was in his awareness of his own creative nature. He found a lifestyle that allowed for freedom and impulsiveness, even if it meant sacrificing other things.



From what I can see, Adam continues to strongly embrace his creative lifestyle, and I hope he continues to hold strongly to that ideal. As anyone who likes to be creative can attest, the lure of security is very, very strong, and the risk/reward ratio is more than most of us can handle. Even the most talented artists have died creatively, embracing security over the artistic lifestyle. In some cases, the artist followed his creative burnout right into the grave.

The other day on this site, I noticed someone said that they hoped Adam never became a joke the way that Elvis Presley did. I love Elvis so it stung. It stung the most because it was the truth. You don’t have to look very far around the Internet to see the cruel remarks people make about Elvis. And it’s true that Elvis didn’t make very good choices. He ate too many peanut butter sandwiches, he allowed himself to become addicted to prescription drugs, and he messed up his marriage to Priscilla. But I believe those were just the symptoms of the worst choice of all: he did not allow the artist in him to live.

When Elvis came along in the 1950s, he was without a doubt one of the most remarkable artists in the history of American popular music. Elvis was an originator of an entirely new form of music called rockabilly, a fusion of country and rhythm and blues. His stage performances caused riots and roused sexual passions that had never been seen before on an American stage.



Elvis was drafted into the Army in 1958, and when he returned from Germany two years later, he took his performances to a new level. The album Elvis is Back! revealed a performer hungry to expand his audience. As one critic said, the album was full of “menace, driven by Presley's own super-miked acoustic guitar, brilliant playing by Scotty Moore, and demonic sax work from Boots Randolph. Elvis's singing wasn't sexy, it was pornographic.” Shortly thereafter, he recorded His Hand In Mine, a highly regarded album of gospel music, Elvis’s first love. (I highly recommend both albums).

But then … Elvis made a mistake. Seeking security, he put his artistic ambitions aside and embarked on a highly commercially successful career path of making movies. Fans were delighted. Between 1960 and 1969, Elvis made 27 musical comedies, each accompanied by a soundtrack album full of new tunes. You can imagine how much many of Adam’s fans would rejoice if he adopted this career path. New material three times a year, and Adam cavorting on screen in cute, funny outfits, looking amazing and swinging his hips! What could be better?

Elvis was dying inside. Like so many creative spirits, he decided to shoehorn his love of rock, blues, and gospel into his “spare time.” With three movies a year there wasn’t much of it. Elvis took to a studio in Nashville off and on to record amazing music that could have won him a Grammy if it had been released and marketed on concept albums. Instead it was parceled out as singles and as filler tracks on other albums. It was not until long after Elvis’s death that it was collected and put out as two really great albums Such a Night and Tomorrow is a Long Time. Elvis also recorded How Great Thou Art, a masterpiece of gospel that won him his only Grammy in 1967.

The following year, Elvis made a remarkable comeback, inspired by the birth of his daughter Lisa Marie. He re-embraced his passion for rock, soul, and blues in the famed 1968 comeback special. As a critic noted, “There is something magical about watching a man who has lost himself find his way back home. He sang with the kind of power people no longer expect of rock 'n' roll singers.” He followed it up with what most people consider his best album, the incredible From Elvis in Memphis.



But then … Elvis stumbled. It wouldn’t have had to be fatal, but it was. Elvis accepted an extremely lucrative offer to headline in Las Vegas. He played 57 shows over just four weeks, selling out a 2200-seat auditorium every night. The money and adrenalin was as addictive as the prescriptions he began to take to get himself through it. In 1970 he played six sold-out shows at the Houston Astrodome, performing for an incredible 200,000 people. By the next year he was playing several blocks of time a year in Las Vegas and touring the country. In 1973 he played a crushing 168 concerts, a pace he continued until his death.



Again the fans were happy. Why not? They got to see Elvis! And there were at least two albums a year (in 1971 there were three). Never mind that these albums included perhaps one beautiful song like Burning Love or Hurt (perhaps Elvis’s last song in which he tried to challenge himself as an artist) along with mostly covers.

We all know the rest of the story. On his last tour, Elvis even changed up the famous line in Can't Help Falling in Love from "Wise men say only fools rush in" to "Wise men know when it's time to go." He knew. At age 42 he was a dead man walking.

I still feel very passionately about Elvis's death. As fans, we put demands on artists like Elvis, like Adam, to give us so much of themselves. I believe that Adam is a stronger person emotionally than Elvis and will husband and protect his inner artist from his fans, from his managers, and even from his own impulses and flaws.

I understand Adam's key tattoo to be his inner commitment to protecting this inner artist child. I love the symbolism of this key; whenever I get impatient for new music, costumes, dances, and performances, I am going to try to remember it, and what happened to the King, and let our prince get ready in his own sweet, sweet time.

Juniemoon -
These are such thoughtful and wellwritten posts. I love it!

Adam is most definitely an artist. I wonder if you (or others reading this) can think of other contemporary pop musicians you'd put in this category. From the discussions I've read on the board, I'd hazard to guess that most of us would put, for example, Gaga in the "on the way to Elvis" category. What about others?

I grew up in VT amidst a community of hippies and artists, in a place where peopl were very deliberatley trying to live that life. Itworked, to an extent (some folks I knew as a kid were internationally famous artists, and the creative commu ity was, and still is, incredibly rich), but it was also very isolating. Is this type of lifestyle possible in the larger, less isolated world? I sure hope so, for Adam's sake. But I do wonder...

Thank you birdieeve! This was such an interesting comment you left. I do think that an artist community can become too inward focused and self-centered. It sure isn't all sunshine and honeybees.