12.17.12 Adam news and info

I'll go on record as saying I find that "c" word deeply offensive. There is no word more offensive to me. I say that as a New Yorker, a typical New Yorker who thinks they're multilingual because by the age of ten I could swear in several languages, at great length and with diversity of vocabulary. And yet, that word is beyond the Pale for me because of how it's been used in my presence in the past. That word is full of negative power. And not just for me, but for many women. Therefore, I will not be in voluntary conversation with someone who uses that word because they either know better or they know better and don't care about the impact of their words. It's not just about the word being offensive, it's about using words with the intent to power.

With the right to free speech comes the responsibility to use it wisely and the wisdom to use it appropriately and without harm. Words DO have power. In fact, the very point of words and language is to communicate, which is powerful in and of itself. If you've ever watched someone who's had a stroke struggle to communicate, you know how powerful communication is.

How we use those words and with what intent adds even more power to them. If words were impotent, then it wouldn't matter that the whackjobs from the Westboro UnBaptist Unchurch show up with their "God Hates Fags" signs at funerals or that every Yahoo article on Adam resulted in hundreds of homophobic hate screeds (to the point where for a time they had to disable comments).

But it does matter, doesn't it? We all know that childhood rhyme of "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is nothing more than a lie designed to hide the truth. That words can and do hurt. Let's not be disingenuous and pretend otherwise. And let's not tell other people that they don't have a right to feel hurt.

None of us get to set the rules or standards for other people when it comes to their emotions or experiences. Just because a word doesn't hurt you, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt others. Just because their experience with that word is different from your own, doesn't automatically invalidate their experience or give you the authority to use your words to invalidate it for them by saying "It's not that deep," because it may be quite deep for the other person. Conversely, just because you hate it, doesn't mean they have to hate it as well.

It's also about the fact that unless you have your head buried deeply in the sand, you should know it's deeply offensive to many people and should avoid using it unless you know your audience is good with it. Ultimately, the least we can do for each other as humans is, as John Wesley said, "Do no harm." If your words cause harm, ask yourself why you're using them and why your reason for doing so HeWhoCannot ameds the hurt you cause.