2.22.11 Adam News & Info

SCROLL IF YOU WANT TO AVOID VAGUELY OT, VAGUELY POLITICAL RAMBLINGS.

Um, okay, I'll dip a little toe in, but somewhat nervously as my thoughts are still pretty unorganized and also probably a little (a lot) naive about what gays have to face everyday and what is the most effective way for their community to secure their outrageously delayed rights (which is partly why I would never post these thoughts on a primarily gay-frequented site--I'm clueless). But with those disclaimers...

I was very interested in the discussion in the comments section of that site you linked to, Rabbitrabbit, about variety within any community, and the ability of any person to speak for a community as a whole. Adam clearly has his doubts about the limits of being a role model, whether it be women dressing like him at concerts (he seems to prefer it when they do their own thing rather than mimic him) or kids looking to him for an escape from their bullying ("it gets better, but its up to YOU").

But one thing in particular in the discussion struck a bell in me. At least one of the commenters lightly complained about Adam's use of the word "lifestyle"--a word that I must admit jumped out at me too when I first saw that ET-Canada interview. I've seen other complaints about this word choice by Adam in the past, primarily on gay sites, and also about his use of the word "preference." Both "preference" and "lifestyle" are, to my knowledge, somewhat taboo words within the gay rights movement, because they seem to suggest "choice" in sexuality. If I know this, from my position of sheltered ignorance, then Adam, deep within the gay community, surely knows this, too, and yet he keeps those words in his vocabulary. I find this really interesting--that he phrases his sexuality in these terms. It's connected for me to his insistence on "bi-curiosity," which has also got up the backs of some gay groups from time to time. But it makes me strangely happy.

Of course I completely believe that homosexuality is not a choice--that one is "Born This Way (tmGAGA). But someone said to me recently (was it LindaG23?) that the striking difference between the Gaga song and "Express Yourself," the Madonna song it mimics, is that in a strange way they have opposite messages--Gaga: "you are born the way you are, and so that's beautiful;" Madonna: "you are what you make of yourself--it's up to you." I think (guessing, of course) Adam falls squarely in the Madonna camp on this one (not in terms of whether one is born gay, but in how one thinks of ones sexuality and personality in general).

I confess that every time I see the gay rights debate center on the is it a choice or is one born this way question (and I understand why it does) I get a little sad, because that seems so much to be missing the point. Yes, people are born gay, of course they are. But it shouldn't matter. The point isn't that we should accept gays because they didn't choose to be "that way," but that we should accept them because their way of living is totally legitimate and beautiful and adds interest and variety and genuine individuality to our lives. So what if it were a choice? It would be a perfectly legitimate choice. Many people are bi--does that mean they should "choose" the straight part of their sexuality, simply because they theoretically could? I would have no problem with an essentially "straight" person deciding, because of traits--physical, personal, situational, whatever--specific to one particularly individual to fall for that person despite their being the same sex. We're all autonomous entities who should make of ourselves what we want, so long as we're not hurting anywone. I think Adam is very very gay, but I for one would not suspect him if he did experiment with a woman--sexy is sexy.

As someone who is very scientifically inclined (though not very scientifically adept), I find it almost impossible to believe that anyone fits strictly into a box of any sort without any fuzzy edges, and those edges are blurred in part, probably, by nature, but in part also by the choices we make--by our "preferences," to use Adam's word. And I like that--I think it's wonderful to celebrate choice and preference. Similarly, when Adam uses the word "lifestyle" in defiance of the political rules of a movement he firmly supports, I think of him and his crazy underground clubbing, and costumes, and friends, and all the choices he makes to live his life a certain way that are only tangentially linked to his sexuality.

SO every time Adam uses a word like lifestyle or preference I stuff down the knee-reaction cringe that my liberal, politically-attuned world has trained me to feel, and instead smile at it as a celebration of his choices: to shape his life and his persona exactly as he wants them, to love whomever he wants to love for the right, personal reasons, to escape any boxes whatsoever. Even if he is as gay as dancing rainbow-glitter leprechaun.

So, more of a plunge than a toe-dip, really (sorry, lost my balance at the pools edge), and I very much want to say that this is not intended in any way as a criticism of the gay rights movement, which I find thrilling and moving and heartening. Also, not intended as a standard complaint against "PC-ness"--I think a lot of liberals have forgotten that that sneering term, "PC," was first used by conservatives to undercut a very reasonable liberal insistence on cleaning up some derogatory language and humor that is still too present in our public discussions. SO in most cases I'm all for being "PC!"