11.30.11 Music, fashion, marriage plans? No, +

WARNING! SCROLL ALERT! I AM PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF SHUTTING UP! SERIOUSLY! I TRIED! IT DIDN'T WORK!




This is all very sensible (as usual) but I do disagree with the bolded part. I think Adam has been remarkably consistent in his talk of marriage. I've never gotten the sense from him that it was something he seriously imagined in his future, although he was unwilling to rule it out. He was asked about marriage repeatedly in the early interviews in 2009 and always said something along the lines of "maybe someday, but I'm not very experienced yet when it comes to love/long-term relationships." He also said in some interview, can't remember which one, when asked about "soul-mates" or some sort of "forever" relationship, that he thought people might have a series of "soul-mates" for different parts of their lives--that serious love relationships were not necessarily forever, but that you could get something invaluable from different partners at different times, and this didn't necessarily diminish the feelings. As recently as the EQ red carpet Adam said that he didn't think he was old enough (read: experienced/mature enough) for marriage, and that interview happened well after he "publicly announced his love" for Sauli. Now that he is in such a serious, long-term relationship, and feels more secure and experienced, he simply said (my take alone) in the RS interview that marriage was something he could imagine. I never read it as being something he was planning or even something he necessarily wanted some day. But regardless of all that, he CAN'T HAVE IT YET in any legally meaningful way in this dipshit country, which really has gotta affect the way one feels about the institution, no?

All of this qualifying in regards to marriage makes a lot of sense from Adam's perspective, as far as I'm concerned. Not only is it not an option that Adam grew up thinking would be legally available to him (and so far he's essentially right), but because of this it's also an idea that I suspect is hetro-normatively weighted, if I can use that ungainly phrase. That is to say, the whole concept of marriage, from the nonsense about white dresses and virgins and "giving away the bride" and "happiest day of her life" to weddings as a precursor to pregnancy, and the "happy couple" as the root of the traditional family unit, to all the religious concepts tangled up wit the idea of marriage, to even the idea of forever and ever and ever, have been so tightly wrapped up in hetero norms that they even make me, a straight married woman, feel a little squeamish about the concept. I can only imagine the effect they have on feelings about the institution in a non-religious gay man! (Just to be clear, I'm not saying that gay men don't value marriage--that's patently false--just that a lot about the practice is loaded with cultural and social mores that exclude them.) Add to that the pressure against the idea of monogamy amongst gay men that Adam has himself discussed, first in the terrific 2009 OUT interview and most recently in the EW interview, where he links it to the external legal prejudices, and I get an even clearer sense of how mixed his feelings on marriage must be. Finally, it's worth remembering that Adam's own parents' marriage ended just as he was finally beginning to explore the world of relationships for himself. That's gotta leave some sort of mark on your sense of the institution. (And statistically those doubts are valid.)

Aside from all this I agree wholeheartedly with what has already been said here: that for many young people today (and I dare say some older folks too) marriage simply does not have the significance it used to have. As I mentioned the other day, I myself got married only after my partner and I had been together for 13 years, and then it was a surprise to me when he asked that we do it--and for me personally, emotionally, it was really only a nice party (though of course, Murly, we gained legal benefits that should be available to everyone). In all other ways we'd been "married" long before. My twin sister has been with her boyfriend for 14 years, and they have no plans to get hitched, and I consider them every bit as married as I am.

Adam and Sauli, on the other hand, have been together only one year, much of which time they have spent far apart. Sauli lives with him now, which I'm sure is wonderful for both of them, but most of Sauli's life is still half a world away. They clearly love each other, seem from what I can tell to be extremely well-matched, and each get extra credit for adorableness. But frankly, if I were Sauli, I'd feel kinda worried if Adam started talking marriage already. It seems way too early for that! And that's not undercutting their relationship in anyway--I have every faith in it and in their future. I'm guessing the two of them are very much on the same page on this one, and it's not a fancy scroll-y parchment-y page with raised-print lettering that begins "Leila and Eber Lambert are pleased to announce..." either!

That's sweet. Looks like Mansfield wants to track Adam's numbers before and after Trespassing single/album release.

New to me as well.


Sroczka79 Magdalena Sroka
HAVE WE SEEN THIS PIC BEFORE ... NEW TO ME ... pic.twitter.com/T3BGSASj
8 minutes ago

Oooo - can anyone zoom in and tell if the light switch is a DIMMER!?!?! LOL ;D