Phew! Loving the discussion that Kay started, but for a while there I was worried I'd accidentally flattened the moon garden with my ridiculously long response! That...would have been embarrassing. And geez, here comes another one...
I live alone and yet I erase my internet history at the end of the day in case I die and my kids find my computer!
It's funny because it's true.
Crispy, that was hilarious, Girl. Hilarious enough for me to have to *borrow* one of
seoulmate's gifs, but not
quite hilarious enough for me to forgive you for always taunting me with waffles that I can't eat. >:(
I have never shared those interests with acquaintances but
my loved ones know and - though sometimes it's a bit embarrassing - i want them to know because we are accountable to each other. I want them to call me on things that they don't think are healthy (as i do for them)- then we'll discuss openly. my heart aches for people surrounded by people who are only critical and not supportive. if possible, i say try to find friends in real life who have their own (different) obsessions. That way the world expands but you are still valued and encouraged by people who understand the practice of deep interest(s) and balancing that with everything else.
Oh,
mika, yes, that's completely right, and though I know you didn't mean it this way at all I feel it calling me out on my rationalizations and excuses a bit. I don't really know why I'm not 100% open about how deep I'm in--my husband and my twin sis--the two people I think about when I think about this stuff--are both understanding sorts. But I suspect it's because I'm shirking some probably necessary wise words that I already hear, somewhat muffled, in my own head, and I don't really want to hear them from them, too. It's probably pretty telling that I'm not getting the balance quite right when I don't really wanna "fess up" to it to the people I trust the most...
...on the other hand, in a weird way, "fessing up" might be all it would take to re-adjust that balance perfectly. I'm uncertain of what my family would say to my full immersion in the Atop world. Partly they're just old fashioned and it would be very strange to them--old-fashioned not in a socio-political sense but more in terms of, for lack of a better word, aesthetics. They would find nothing strange about my being buried for a month in Patrick O'Brien novels, but the so-called social network--this "friends on the internet" thing--is indeed a brave new world. But maybe I'm under- (or over-, lol) estimating their standards, because of my own internal issues with this whole thing. And if this were something I could talk about with
them, if this were something people in my "real" life could join me in, even if they did it with a little good-humored eye-rolling, then it would no longer feel like a slightly unhealthy secret indulgence.
[OT aside: god, did I just write "real" in quotation marks? WTF does that even mean? If that isn't indicative of the whole complicated mess of online-passions I don't know what is! Reminds me of the time Bill Gates supposedly referred to a real-life dog as "non-virtual. :
]
Which brings me to
Junie's point (waves at Junie
about sports, and an attempt to answer her question: "
why do we feel the need to justify it at all?" I've thought about that a lot, too, because you're right, I spend no energy at all worrying about the time I devote to rooting for sports teams and obsessing over their statistics. Why not? I'm sure you're right that society's general acceptance level of various passions is correlated to a sexist values system, but I really don't think that plays a role in my own response. I think the answer is that being a sports fan is something I do publicly with my friends and family and casual acquaintances, and they all share my enthusiasms. Being an Adam fan just isn't--my husband likes his music okay and would happily attend a nearby concert, but he'd never play it on his own when I'm not around, and doesn't care much at all about the details of Adam's life. My sister is totally not into pop music. If either of them shared a fraction of my obsession I'd feel much better about the whole thing. I don't think that's about conformity--I just think that activities we take part in socially with those who know us well and are close to us are probably healthier than activities we take part in on our own on the couch in front of a computer screen.
I know,
Junie, that your sister is right there with you, Adam-wise, which must be wonderful and accounts, I've no doubt, for a big chunk of the disparity in our feelings about our Adam-stanning. And I'm totally jelly. I don't blame my sister at all for not being into Adam, but gee, it would be fun if she were!
[OT--thanks for the Wild World of Sports video! Blast from the past. Poor Vinko Bogataj, the skier who illustrated the "agony of defeat;" There was a time, thanks to that intro, when "pulling a vinko" was shorthand in my family for a certain kind of spectacular failure ;D]
Finally,
Kay:
But what I've been thinking about recently, and MWP touched on, is that we really do have some sort of relationship with him.
I have never loved someone that I never met before. It's a whole new kind of relationship to wrap my head around. I am not a silly teen who's twitter name becomes @mrslambert or som such--I never even expect to meet him.
But there is a place in my heart for him and I haven't figured out how to label it. It's actually a beautiful kind of love because it is completely onesided. I will give and want nothing in return. It is so uncomplicated and liberating.
I thought this was a really lovely way of thinking about things. Adam's like a magic penny, right? Or, maybe, echoing what
Mahalia said about how often and how nicely he intrudes into her daily thoughts, he's like a lucky pebble that we carry around with us in our pockets, worn smooth with frequent rubbing, that we reach down and touch every now and then when we want a little shot of happiness or comfort.
Winter: so nice to see your post, BB.
Oh, and
LindaG:
;D
Hope you enjoyed your show this weekend!
I know, Junie, that your sister is right there with you, Adam-wise, which must be wonderful and accounts, I've no doubt, for a big chunk of the disparity in our feelings about our Adam-stanning. And I'm totally jelly. I don't blame my sister at all for not being into Adam, but gee, it would be fun if she were!