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Post by momtomany on Jan 11, 2013 19:56:49 GMT -5
Giving the bully the power to control you mentally is letting them win. It's not easy but kids can and should be taught how to deal with people who are nasty so that it doesn't impact how they feel about themselves. But what if you're not giving them the power to control you mentally? What if you don't let them get to you and they STILL won't stop harassing you? Albiku - Where are they now? You are a doctor! Life does not revolve around our teenage years - even though it seems we are all caught up in that small expanse of time! My son's tormentor is selling shoes. My son is racing for Formula One. But, we all stay caught in the angst and the terrible prison of our youth. No! |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2013 19:58:33 GMT -5
Giving the bully the power to control you mentally is letting them win. It's not easy but kids can and should be taught how to deal with people who are nasty so that it doesn't impact how they feel about themselves. But what if you're not giving them the power to control you mentally? What if you don't let them get to you and they STILL won't stop harassing you? that's a crime where I live and you can get a restraining order. Reach out to people who can help you. If it takes changing schools or jobs then do it. Your mental health and well being is more important that sticking it out to prove you can. whenever possible take yourself out of the situation. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2013 20:01:12 GMT -5
Adam Lambert @adamlambert Back to the original point, I simply wish we'd focus more energy on the victims' empowerment versus labeling anyone whos negative as a bully Evan Rachel Wood @evanrachelwoodI always feel bad for the "bully" as well as the "victim" something is obviously missing from that persons life. Love perhaps. @adamlambert Adam Lambert @adamlambert@evanrachelwood I love YOU! Ugh! I love her point. |
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Post by wal on Jan 11, 2013 20:02:09 GMT -5
Adam Lambert @adamlambert
I'm not quite sure of how any of what I'm tweeting would be disappointing to anyone.... Someone explain? We are having a twitter forum!
Rove McManus @rove
@adamlambert Fight the good fight. I'm pleased to know twitter can be more than just people saying what they had for breakfast.
Adam Lambert @adamlambert
@rove I had eggs though
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Post by bridgeymah on Jan 11, 2013 20:04:55 GMT -5
But what if you're not giving them the power to control you mentally? What if you don't let them get to you and they STILL won't stop harassing you?
Then you survive even if the harassment continues. You're not destroyed - but the bullies remain exposed for what they are, a-holes.Seems appropriate from Stoic Philosopher Epictetus: "Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.
The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed." By today's standards I was bullied at school. I learned to rely on myself and like my own company. I found things to do and groups to engage with outside school that didn't rely on those people. I survived. We didn't have social media, the taunts couldn't follow me home and hound me 24/7. We didn't have a culture that embraces negativity while at the same time giving a hall pass on personal responsibility. I pretty much agree with Adam on this. Help the kids being bullied with some personal armor and you disempower the bullies and deprive them of oxygen. |
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Albiku
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Post by Albiku on Jan 11, 2013 20:05:46 GMT -5
But what if you're not giving them the power to control you mentally? What if you don't let them get to you and they STILL won't stop harassing you? Albiku - Where are they now? You are a doctor! Life does not revolve around our teenage years - even though it seems we are all caught up in that small expanse of time! My son's tormentor is selling shoes. My son is racing for Formula One. But, we all stay caught in the angst and the terrible prison of our youth. No! lol One of them is selling fruit, I don't know about the others. I do know that all of them have had to be treated by a psychiatrist (seriously, I'm not joking).  Wait. Your son is racing for Formula One????  Who's your son???? Haribert, the fact that you survive still doesn't make it right. I shouldn't have had to deal with that situation at all. That's my point, that sometimes it's not about the victim (I so do not like that word...), it's about stopping the bullies. Frecklesexual, I removed myself from the situtation as soon as I could. The police gave me their direct number, but they told me they couldn't do anything else. But while I was stuck at that school, I had to deal with it. And I had to do it alone, because the responsible adults didn't take it seriously. |
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irish1139
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Post by irish1139 on Jan 11, 2013 20:06:10 GMT -5
I still remember that feeling of "not being good enough" after some insult as a teenager. It never goes away. I can still remember it (if I let myself). Like Adam says the answer is being more positive than negative. Making yourself only think positive really does work. I always hum an Adam song when I start to get negative or down in the dumps. It works every time.
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Post by addicted on Jan 11, 2013 20:08:55 GMT -5
Easy answers if you have the means 1. Transfer to another location :Clap: 2. Go with another group who stands up to the bully group. 3. Join the bullies :dunno: 4. Plot devious schemes. Example: Be a victim and report the bodilly harassment to the police immediately ??? 5. Convince yourself you are a hero ... that you can withstand it all and there will come a time when the wheels turn and they will be the one begging. 6. I read in one blog... instead of "Go to Hell", she responds with "Go to Heaven" !!! :  7. Etcetera |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2013 20:09:01 GMT -5
But what if you're not giving them the power to control you mentally? What if you don't let them get to you and they STILL won't stop harassing you? Albiku - Where are they now? You are a doctor! Life does not revolve around our teenage years - even though it seems we are all caught up in that small expanse of time! My son's tormentor is selling shoes. My son is racing for Formula One. But, we all stay caught in the angst and the terrible prison of our youth. No! The thing is, and I should zip it, but we are NOT teens right now. The violence has escalated exponentially. I so applaud that your son was able to overcome his adversity. I go to bed every night hoping my nephew will be alive tomorrow...despite MUCH intervention. For a teen, life now is all they have and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. As a society, I totally believe we have condoned inexcusable behavior for so long that we don't even see it anymore..this is a general statement and in no way directed at you, Momtomany, or anyone else here. We watch violence 24/7 on forms of social media. I remember the first time I saw the photo of the man being shot in the head in Vietnam. I was repulsed and ill, literally. Now images of horror are everyday fodder and that is where the change must start, I believe. With adults saying NO, not watching the news every night, not feeding the machine. Without conscious adults, where do the children go? And I know you to be a very conscious adult..so please bear with the pain of this discussion for me. Thank you. |
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Post by irish1139 on Jan 11, 2013 20:13:06 GMT -5
I don't remember any child killing themselves when I went to school in the 50's. I don't remember ever seeing a gun. I have to agree that society has changed dramatically from my teens.
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