haribert
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Still climbing that optimistic vine...
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Post by haribert on Jan 11, 2013 19:38:52 GMT -5
People can only have the power over you that you LET THEM have over you! If you don't give them the power to control you they can't and they will eventually move on to someone who gives them what they seek. I come from a very abusive home situation, mental abuse that lasted into my early 20s. Name calling, put downs, snide comments, ridicule over the slightest things.....I let the people who were abusing me control me by being afraid to stand up for myself and by believing what they said about me. I took back my life when I stopped letting them have that power over me and stopped letting their words get into my head because I learned that their words came from their OWN sense of worthlessness and that they wanted me to feel how they felt. They wanted me to be miserable because they were miserable. I cut them out of my life and told them they weren't welcome anymore until they could treat me with respect. It changed my whole life. It got better because I made it better. THAT IS WHAT ADAM IS SAYING.
Freckle, I agree 100% with what you've said. Your early life experiences sound a lot like mine. Only in my case, I made the mistake of marrying someone who continued the abuse for years longer, because I'd been conditioned to believe that was what I should expect from life. It took me a long time to realize otherwise.
Looking back, I think the bullying I experienced as a child would have damaged me less (yes, it WAS bullying even though it was 20% physical and 80% psychological mistreatment) if someone -- my parents, a teacher or neighbor -- had reinforced my self-confidence and helped me work out some coping techniques, instead of simply looking the other way or telling me "It doesn't mean anything, they're just jealous of you." Adam was so fortunate to have supportive, caring parents who reinforced his self-worth. It would have helped me so much to have had someone say, "They're wrong to hurt you this way and you've done nothing to deserve it. You have the right to be treated with respect, or at least be left alone." |
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Post by wal on Jan 11, 2013 19:39:22 GMT -5
Nick Gardner @nrhgardner @adamlambert Let's beef Lambert. Right here, right now. Adam Lambert @adamlambert @nrhgardner where's the beef?? Lol Nick Gardner @nrhgardner@adamlambert Ha! Right here! What what! Adam Lambert @adamlambert@nrhgardner beefcake! Nick Gardner@nrhgardner Recording Artist signed to Interscope. Los Angeles · www.youtube.com/nrhgardner |
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Albiku
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Post by Albiku on Jan 11, 2013 19:40:30 GMT -5
Nick Gardner @nrhgardner @adamlambert Let's beef Lambert. Right here, right now. Adam Lambert @adamlambert @nrhgardner where's the beef?? Lol Nick Gardner @nrhgardner@adamlambert Ha! Right here! What what! Adam Lambert @adamlambert@nrhgardner beefcake! lol Broken English. I don't understand. :4OMG: |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2013 19:45:09 GMT -5
People can only have the power over you that you LET THEM have over you! If you don't give them the power to control you they can't and they will eventually move on to someone who gives them what they seek. Try reading juniemoon and fallenangel's responses to the last time you said that. And do you really think kids can just go "nope" and put themselves out of a bad situation? I mean it's great that you managed it but kids are constantly stuck in the same place with the same people. And you think I wasn't stuck with the family I was born into :  I read their responses and I disagree. You give people power over you, even when you're stuck in the same place with the same people. I think kids can learn to value themselves so that when people call them worthless they know they aren't. I think kids can learn that school is a small moment in time that will be over sooner rather than later and that the people who want to make them miserable will be long forgotten when they are grown. Giving the bully the power to control you mentally is letting them win. It's not easy but kids can and should be taught how to deal with people who are nasty so that it doesn't impact how they feel about themselves. As for whether rude kids grow up to be rude adults, I don't disagree. So it's better to learn how to deal with those people at an earlier age because they aren't going anywhere and at some point you have to be able to work around them. yes, I've been that someone who was a shell, I've been that someone who felt lost and desperate because of the "little name calling" (which btw I NEVER SAID)...I attempted to take my own life at 15 so I don't speak without the knowledge of what these people are going through. No one taught me I had value. No one told me I mattered. So when I was told I didn't I believed it. Sometimes these words come from your parents and siblings. the point remains that teaching children, from a young age, that they have self-worth and that someone telling them they don't doesn't change that EVERYONE is worthwhile. This isn't something that should start in middle school...this should start in elementary school. Teach every child they have value, that they matter and that they are important and then when the words start they have a solid foundation of self worth. |
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Post by geezlouise on Jan 11, 2013 19:45:53 GMT -5
[/IMG] [/quote] Beefcake=Hot Guy/Nick Gardner...... LOL |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2013 19:46:52 GMT -5
Bullies control those they target by using disempowerment and by stimulating artificially high levels of fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt. This is true of all abusers whether they are school bullies, sexual harassers, violent partners committing domestic violence, or pedophiles. It is also standard psychopathic behaviour to reflect every attempt at accountability back onto the accuser and to plausibly portray their victim as the guilty party.www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/myths.htmA very important issue has been trivialized in this discussion. I agree with those who have said it was entirely the wrong forum and wrong approach. Thank you, Juniemoon. Well said..this issue is too close to me, so I'll zip it. |
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Post by addicted on Jan 11, 2013 19:48:42 GMT -5
That's not bullying. What every kid goes through while they're growing up is not bullying. Name-calling is not bullying either. The word bullying, as he said a few tweets ago, should be reserved for other type of behaviour. I never told him to shut up, nor did I imply that he wasn't entitled to his own opinion. And I said that in my first post about the matter. When I said "stop" I was begging him, not telling him. The intent is different. I was in a bad place. I apologize if it came out wrong.
There are many degrees between "what every kid goes through" and actual physical abuse. To a kid with low self-esteem and self-doubt, name-calling can certainly be bullying--to the point that the kid commits suicide. Name-calling can be constant and vicious and demoralizing. But it is a form of bullying that can be deflected if kids are taught to believe in themselves enough to know that the words of the bullies are not true. It's when someone calls you "stupid," and you think, "I must be stupid," that it becomes a threat to your emotional stability. A kid who believes what the bullies say is at risk. That's not to be taken lightly.I agree with you... name-calling is a form of bullying particularly when the bullied kid has no self-worth and could not take it. Bullies do it for a number of reasons. One of them is that if the bullied react ... that is what they want. If the bullied ignore them, they may not stop until they get a reaction or get tired of it. Another reason could be they could not face their own worthlessness if the bullied has something over them like intelligence. Another could be the crave for power. Alas, the feel of power is like an addiction. It is very complex as it all depends upon the type of bullies and bullied. |
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Albiku
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Post by Albiku on Jan 11, 2013 19:48:56 GMT -5
Giving the bully the power to control you mentally is letting them win. It's not easy but kids can and should be taught how to deal with people who are nasty so that it doesn't impact how they feel about themselves. But what if you're not giving them the power to control you mentally? What if you don't let them get to you and they STILL won't stop harassing you? |
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haribert
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Still climbing that optimistic vine...
Posts: 600
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Post by haribert on Jan 11, 2013 19:56:04 GMT -5
Giving the bully the power to control you mentally is letting them win. It's not easy but kids can and should be taught how to deal with people who are nasty so that it doesn't impact how they feel about themselves. But what if you're not giving them the power to control you mentally? What if you don't let them get to you and they STILL won't stop harassing you?
Then you survive even if the harassment continues. You're not destroyed - but the bullies remain exposed for what they are, a-holes. |
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Post by wal on Jan 11, 2013 19:56:34 GMT -5
Adam Lambert @adamlambert
Back to the original point, I simply wish we'd focus more energy on the victims' empowerment versus labeling anyone whos negative as a bully
Evan Rachel Wood @evanrachelwood
I always feel bad for the "bully" as well as the "victim" something is obviously missing from that persons life. Love perhaps. @adamlambert
Adam Lambert @adamlambert
@evanrachelwood I love YOU! Ugh!
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