emmuzka
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Post by emmuzka on Aug 2, 2011 14:09:50 GMT -5
I have to take issue with those who say marriage doesn't matter. I think that you missed the point. Of course it matters that gay couples don't have the same rights to marry as straight couples. The point was that both gay and straight couples should have the equal right to take it or leave it, based on their personal choices, not because the law says the option is closed from you altogether. It is also a freedom to be able to not choose to marry, for both straight and gay couples. It is development that straight people don't have to marry because of the pressure of religion or community. That's what the "doesn't matter" -discussion was about. |
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Post by nica575 on Aug 2, 2011 14:11:05 GMT -5
Magazines don't always quote their interview subjects correctly. Adam might have said "I don't see myself getting married in the near future" or Adam himself might have accidentally left out the "near" even if that's what he meant. Not saying that Adam should want to get married; just pointing out that it wouldn't be the first time he was misquoted. I have to take issue with those who say marriage doesn't matter. The reason the LGBT community is fighting so hard to overturn discriminatory laws is that marriage does matter from a legal standpoint. Partners who are not legally married cannot make decisions for each other should one of them become incapacitated. They can't visit their sick loved ones in the hospital in some cases. They can't automatically inherit property. They can't file a joint tax return. Marriage exists to establish a legal relationship where there is no blood relationship. It's kinda like adopting each other. It's not legalizing sex or love--both of those things can happen just as easily outside of marriage. It's just a legal recognition of a couple's rights as they apply to one another. , there is a huge difference between having the "right" to marry and having the "desire" to marry. EVERYONE should have the right! I sure hope that the day Adam decides to get married he can do it at home, in CA! There are thousands of legal implications of marriage - both "fair" and "not fair" depending on what a particular situation is. It is a much more bonding contract than many young people realize when they rush into a marriage. It seems that men are (and this is a generalization) are much less inclined to legally commit than women, and so both Adam and Sauli might have no thoughts of marriage at all... and if one day they do I sure hope a well prepared pre-nup will be in place... (sorry, I have no romantic feelings towards marriage at all... I understand the legal necessity of some cases, especially when children are invloved...) |
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PostFestumPF
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Post by PostFestumPF on Aug 2, 2011 14:16:13 GMT -5
May I add my story to this. I'm not young (I'm 52) and in these days everyone was married. I never thought of marriage as a big deal. The only reason I got married was cause my MIL said she would be ashamed to walk in public if we didn't get married in a church. Even my mother was OK with my decision. And my marriage was held in the most simple way. And now my daughter who is in a relationship for 8 years now, feels the same as me. She feels marriage adds nothing to her relationship and I happen to agree. No big deal. JMHO. ITA, gelly. I've been married 23 years and we did it simply - a Justice of the Peace and a witness. But, honestly, if we had to do it today, we probably would skip even that. A marriage license didn't validate our relationship, we did. I've been "mentally married" for 30 years; I never intended to marry; a piece of paper does not prove anything to us. My sister got divorced after 25 years of marriage, so... Most of my friends have "standard" marriage with 1-3 kids. We do not have kids, only dogs. After getting my second dog, I remember my mother confiding in me that she has given up on the thought of us having kids... I admitted, that she should probably get used to the idea. Based on that interview, I would not venture to guess what Adam's thoughts on marriage are; IMO this was the only answer he could give at the moment, without risking any further prying into his personal life. He has said love is his prime inspiration, so he's in love with Sauli. Great! This relationship has clearly been a good thing for Adam (and hopefully also for S); the man is practically glowing with happiness & looks so damn fine. They have already taken a huge step by living together. Time will tell, if it will lead to marriage or (life)long partnership. I'm fine either way, as long as it makes them happy. |
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lynne
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Post by lynne on Aug 2, 2011 14:19:33 GMT -5
OMG.. and so it starts... :( ... And this is why it is smart not to say anything about his personal relationships. |
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murly
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Life's my light and liberty and I shine when I want to shine.
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Post by murly on Aug 2, 2011 14:20:23 GMT -5
I have to take issue with those who say marriage doesn't matter. I think that you missed the point. Of course it matters that gay couples don't have the same rights to marry as straight couples. The point was that both gay and straight couples should have the equal right to take it or leave it, based on their personal choices, not because the law says the option is closed from you altogether. It is also a freedom to be able to not choose to marry, for both straight and gay couples. It is development that straight people don't have to marry because of the pressure of religion or community. That's what the "doesn't matter" -discussion was about. I didn't miss any point. I was referring to several comments about people not needing marriage to "validate" their relationship. My point was that that's not what marriage is intended to do. I'm fully aware that some people don't want to marry, and that's fine. But they must be aware that by not marrying, they forfeit certain rights as a couple. |
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Post by kathleenpf on Aug 2, 2011 14:21:03 GMT -5
(and hopefully also for S); the man is practically glowing with happiness & looks so damn fine. LOL so true! Where's that gif from yesterday when he says he's inspired by love...he is glowing with happiness! ETA: ah, here it is!   |
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Post by annietoo on Aug 2, 2011 14:22:01 GMT -5
OMG.. and so it starts... :( ... And this is why it is smart not to say anything about his personal relationships. I'm sorry, but this is just too funny! Poor Adam, now he is on a whole country's shit list for being such a cad! lolololo |
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needacoke
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Post by needacoke on Aug 2, 2011 14:25:12 GMT -5
Cheeks sums it up perfectly about everyone having the RIGHT to marry if they so choose and talks about apathy in the gay community.
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Post by mszue on Aug 2, 2011 14:29:24 GMT -5
And THIS is why he doesn't want to talk about his relationship to the general public... And this is all I meant to imply when I stated that his statement that he did not see marriage in his future could ultimately hurt Sauli. I am not advocating they make that decision now or ever...but to state publicly about marriage that way can not help but have implications for the other person in a current relationship. In the case of Sauli...the implications move far beyond those of the heart. Adam is not in danger of being deported or of losing face. Sauli is....regardless of what we think. That is all I ever meant.... Furthermore, if marriage had no meaning or importance, then why is it such a contentious issue and why are so many priveleges and rights attached to the ceremony. I actually believe the legalities and the religious/symbolic nature of marriage should be separated by time as well as meaning. jmho. I am dropping this can of worms now. I do/did not in any way mean to cast aspersions on Adam or Sauli...nor do I mean to suggest what is right for them or anybody. eta....exactly, re saying anything. He should have just said I do not want to discuss it...instead he said he did not see marriage in his future, with no hedges for mind changing. I agree...he shound not have said anything...too bad...but it was bound to happen....sheesh |
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seashell
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Post by seashell on Aug 2, 2011 14:30:16 GMT -5
And this is why it is smart not to say anything about his personal relationships. I'm sorry, but this is just too funny! Poor Adam, now he is on a whole country's shit list for being such a cad! lolololo and FWIW... since we are not privy to their relationship.. we don't know if S turned him down..j/s.. or just said he would never want to.. or this present relationship is all he needs etc..none of our business.. |
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