The Moon Garden Lounge

kay (And fellow moon gardeners)
I've been slammed with work and moving (again) so have been away a lot with some quick drive bys. I wanted to respond earlier to various posts - esp Mahailia's own beautiful dancer.

So I have to hit and run a little bit now but I wanted to respond to kay.

I would not want you to think I lumped people criticizing J's dancing into a 'racist' category. People might notice I also don't use the word homophobe too often either. And that's because I think there are distinctions to be made. Operating from stereotypes or using unintentional/ignorant language is bad but not homophobia in my view. I'm not saying it's better - at this point it may be more insidious because these images and notions bury themselves to varying degrees within all our shared cultural consciousness. Same with minorities or any group that suffers the consequences of being seen through a distorted societal lens.

To be clear about my snarky post - I was skimming the thread and not deep in the debate. But that specific post I parodied caught my attn because, for me, what is NOT okay is what I took away as a message of 'I and my son don't like overtly gay and that's okay cause that's our taste'. It struck me as defiantly ignorant frankly. I wanted to show that there is a parallel dismissal with race that's not as socially acceptable as calling people out as 'too gay' - the rejection of people who seem 'ghetto' is, of course, really just code for something else. (Of course that issue is also alive and well - doors have traditionally opened much more quickly for minorities who appear (physically, speech, manner) more 'normed' to mainstream (white) culture.)

On the other hand, one reason I posted the you tube interview here was to recognize there are serious discussions by thoughtful people about things like 'effeminate' dancers -- and it was especially compelling that the professional dancer commenting was an out, progressive gay man. (And I think when it comes to things like this, artists have to examine whether their aesthetic sensibility is truly based on serving the art or serving certain ideas they've inherited about gender, sexuality, race, etc.) And I think that's what it comes down to - being willing to self examine, remaining open to learning something, agreeing not to use certain terms (like attaching 'tard' to various words to indicate dumbness)- even though you may not fully get why they're hurtful or even agree that people should be hurt by them -- maybe it's just enough for us to know the words can be hurtful in order to think twice about what we say.

I'm fine with criticizing performances but I question doing it in terms of sexuality and/or gender. Yes maybe Johnny fits some people's idea of stereotype - but why perpetuate stereotype as a legitimate vocabulary for criticism when you can just say specifically what you don't like? Chris Brown fits some stereotypes--but I'm aware of how wrong and hurtful it would be to deploy those when discussing why I can't stand the man or his music.

I'll say this - I'm not a big fan of J's style either but it doesn't embarrass me (as it would no doubt some gay men) and I don't think of it as 'too gay' - I just think of it as not technically good in my personal estimation. I didn't like Taylor's style either and I'm (for no reason) assuming he's straight but I also found him a 'bit much' for similar reasons (not very disciplined, distracting, etc.) but it wouldn't have occurred to me to criticize him as 'too effeminate'. (And Johnny seems to make Adam happy so you know, okay then

And no, I don't think two of anyone flirting has to automatically turn you on. For instance, I frequently find snickery sexual innuendo (nudge, nudge) not to my personal taste. (If you want to masturbate with a doll, i would be sooo okay not knowing about it - and yes that applies across gender and sexual orientation lines for me). I know that is a personal perspective - I understand it reads prude to some and that's legit - so I scroll, you scroll - and we live in peace. However, if I were all 'ewww, women's bits are nasty' -- then I would deserve to be called out. Such an attitude separates out a group and plays on old, toxic stereotypes - women are unclean, female expressions of sexuality are inherently distasteful, etc.

I just get frustrated when people won't at least hear with an open mind and heart when others try to explain why something that is said comes across as demeaning or dismissive and instead deflect with 'that's my opinion and the opinion of all my gay family members and friends so piss off' or 'I'm just honest and not politically correct like you'.

Personally, I am so not even remotely near enlightenment... but I try to be aware of that - I succeed, I fail, I try again - repeat. (Hey, the corrective feedback I got from friends throughout my twenties re uninformed assumptions about race, ethnicity, religion, gender are -whoa- painful to look back on. )

So I'm very late to my date now :( (mika has needs too) - I'll clean this up later but I hope it (incoherently) makes where I was coming from a little clearer.



eta: for annala - Adam would do a great job in that Cabaret role - or in the lead with a ~rewrite but it somehow leads me back to this topic because when people express enthusiasm for Adam toning things down a little too eagerly, I always recall the Emcee's line ""if you could see her through my eyes... she wouldn't look Jewish at all..."