lynne
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Post by lynne on Nov 12, 2012 12:40:06 GMT -5
Kay - I'm borrowing Mahailia's post to tagalong. I've posted this site before but I really love following the journey of CJ and his family. I'm a little sad that this vibrant little person has started to curb what he really wants out of concern for public reaction - he's five now. I'm glad you were moved by Lana's speech as I was - I was caught by her comment on not liking the term 'transition' and the problems of a society which insists on either/or instead of seeing a spectrum on such identity issues as race, sexuality, gender... Here's the blog I ref'd - much like Lana and Adam, CJ won the 'parent lottery' - so many aren't so lucky to have parents willing or able to be so supportive and to see the world through different eyes for the sake of their child. raisingmyrainbow.com/ Thanks for posting this again, I think I remember clicking it before, and it provided some very interesting reading. Major KUDOS to this family, it takes courage, strength and resolve to do what they are doing, and lots and lots of love. They are setting a great example, and paving the way for other gender bending children and their families. I understand your sadness at seeing this amazing young boy having to capitulate to society's judgment. We all have to learn to get along in this world, and this little boy is being educated quite early in his life. At least he gets to be himself at home and in his inner circle of family and friends, and has a new playmate, how wonderful. I saw the play "Billy Elliot" while in the UK, and there was this great scene with Billy's friend dressing in his mom's clothes and a fabulous dance number, so fun. It was a great way to express the joy these boys had in dressing up. The latest blog entry about choosing a "boy" costume for Halloween reminded me of a story of my own: My son was in the 2nd grade, and the kids are allowed to wear costumes to school for Halloween. He wanted to be a fairy for Halloween. I told him that he could not be a fairy, because only girls are fairies. I was trying to protect him from being ridiculed at school, and right or wrong, this is how I chose to handle the situation. My son is very head strong, I should say "bull headed" (he is a Taurus), and he kept after me, I want to be a fairy, I want to be a fairy. He was very insistent, and went on for a couple of weeks. I finally told him that if he could find a male fairy character, that I would make his costume for him. 2 days before Halloween, he had found his male fairy, the Fairy Prince from the Thumbellina story. (He is persistent!) So we went to the store, bought what we needed for his costume, and made him a really cool looking Fairy Prince costume. He had leggings and emerald green slippers with turned up toes (like elf shoes), a long belted tunic with puffy upper sleeves, an exotic gold zodiac pendant, and beautiful glitter fairy wings and a gold crown. I really wish I had taken a picture, don't know why I didn't. Maybe the camera was broken or lost. Anyway, we were both excited about his costume, it was very cool (oops already said that). I took him to school, we were late as usual, and when we walked in his classroom, the entire classroom burst out laughing at my son's fairy costume. He didn't seem upset by this at the time, and we have laughed about it in recent times. I am pretty sure he never again wore a fairy costume. Now he is in college, and his costumes have become more intriguing and androgynous, and he still loves Halloween and dressing up. Love your story. It brought back memories. When my daughter was in kindergarten she wanted to be a doctor. I had a really elaborate, amazing beautifully constructed clown costume, a hand me down from her cousins, made by their very talented mother. My daughter denied it and insisted on dressing up like a doctor. "Why a doctor?" I asked. Her reply, "I want to give people shots." Hmmmm.... |
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mahailia
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Post by mahailia on Nov 12, 2012 13:05:55 GMT -5
lynne ~Just points out how accepted it is for girls to dress in "male" costumes, but heaven forbid a boy dressing in a "female" costume. Double standard to the nth degree, driven by our patriarchial male dominated macho society. Like tomboys and sissies. p.s. Hi, Junie, great pic of you and Adam! So nice to see your face again 
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hoopla1
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Post by hoopla1 on Nov 12, 2012 15:34:35 GMT -5
And rihnannsu, I realized saying my love for Adam was one-sided may bring up that whole discussion that true love means wanting nothing in return. And I certainly agree. But, while love may not have conditions, relationships certainly do. Having been married a long time I can say that it took a lot of late night conversations to work out our expectations, roles and to understand the multitude of other emotions we possess. Love is easy but as Adam says, relationships take work. While I know that I will love my husband no matter what, that doesnt mean I don't expect anything in return, starting with his love back, and including his time and attention somewhere on the lengthy list. Ah, yes but you see you recognize that relationships take work. Do you realize how strongly our society programs the "happily ever after" meme? I have witnessed so many people who expect that the love itself will somehow solve all their issues and if it doesn't then they really don't love the person or the person doesn't love them. You have an advantage in that you are aware that love itself does not maintain the relationship but that you have to put work in to keep it going. The love itself IS a separate thing. This is why throwing statements like "If you loved me you wouldn't do ____" is such a roadblock in communication because the other person is actually deflected from their actions in to defending their love itself and resolving the situation becomes near impossible. Also a problem when dealing with victims of abuse. Because I so often hear people saying "How can you love someone who treats you like that?" which immediately puts the victim in the position of defending their own feelings and emotions. That is then mistaken for them defending the abuser but what they are really defending is their own heart. This actually makes them think even more that everything is their own fault. We should never use love as a negotiating tool. The love is freely given the relationship is to be worked on and a failed relationship is not a failure of love itself but of the work necessary for coexistence. As a young child I absolutely abhorred the fairy tale ending of "they lived happily ever after" because to me it stank of being a big fat lie. But I can't even begin to tell you the number of people who express this false belief that just being in love magically makes everything work and if it doesn't then you leave because the love was what was inadequate. WOW! Total fluke that I was looking for something and ended up on this page...but read this and BOOM! Thought of my favorite article from 2011: Love more? Care less! www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/06/22/family.love.o/index.html?hpt=li_c2And, Sugaree, you know how much I'm feeling for you...;( |
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annala
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Post by annala on Nov 12, 2012 16:16:53 GMT -5
Junie - thanks for posting your picture - you look like I thought you would be - a beautiful, kind, approachable person.
Maybe sometime I'll get brave enough to post a pic of me - and I'm beyond middle age - I'm an old fart.
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Post by rihannsu on Nov 12, 2012 19:33:33 GMT -5
Ah, yes but you see you recognize that relationships take work. Do you realize how strongly our society programs the "happily ever after" meme? I have witnessed so many people who expect that the love itself will somehow solve all their issues and if it doesn't then they really don't love the person or the person doesn't love them. You have an advantage in that you are aware that love itself does not maintain the relationship but that you have to put work in to keep it going. The love itself IS a separate thing. This is why throwing statements like "If you loved me you wouldn't do ____" is such a roadblock in communication because the other person is actually deflected from their actions in to defending their love itself and resolving the situation becomes near impossible. Also a problem when dealing with victims of abuse. Because I so often hear people saying "How can you love someone who treats you like that?" which immediately puts the victim in the position of defending their own feelings and emotions. That is then mistaken for them defending the abuser but what they are really defending is their own heart. This actually makes them think even more that everything is their own fault. We should never use love as a negotiating tool. The love is freely given the relationship is to be worked on and a failed relationship is not a failure of love itself but of the work necessary for coexistence. As a young child I absolutely abhorred the fairy tale ending of "they lived happily ever after" because to me it stank of being a big fat lie. But I can't even begin to tell you the number of people who express this false belief that just being in love magically makes everything work and if it doesn't then you leave because the love was what was inadequate. WOW! Total fluke that I was looking for something and ended up on this page...but read this and BOOM! Thought of my favorite article from 2011: Love more? Care less! www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/06/22/family.love.o/index.html?hpt=li_c2And, Sugaree, you know how much I'm feeling for you...;( YES!! I remember reading that. It's a really great example of what I was trying to say. |
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sugaree
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Post by sugaree on Nov 13, 2012 8:10:26 GMT -5
Guys, thanks so much for your kindness and support. It really means a lot. I'm enjoying the recent conversation and want to add more to my post about leaving here, but cant right now. It has absolutely nothing to do with all of the wonderful people that I've "met" here. Much love from me goes out to everyone.
The losing Shadow devastation will go away with time - I've gone through it before and will survive. I guess it's harder this time, since I was forced to move here (for a good reason), we've been together 24/7 since I retired 10 years ago. We were the closet buddies of any other dog I've had. I was holding her at the end, and there is some comfort in that.
On to happier topic. The live stream starts at 1:00 pm today, right. Talk about a great way to let my mind get into something joyous.
Damn, I hate my lack of good grammar since the surgery! Hope my points and intentions still come across well.
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mahailia
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Post by mahailia on Nov 13, 2012 9:18:19 GMT -5
sugaree
your grammar is just fine, I don't see any thing that needs to be red lined.
Just glad to see you here!
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Post by winter on Nov 13, 2012 11:29:03 GMT -5
Guys, thanks so much for your kindness and support. It really means a lot. I'm enjoying the recent conversation and want to add more to my post about leaving here, but cant right now. It has absolutely nothing to do with all of the wonderful people that I've "met" here. Much love from me goes out to everyone. I too am sorry for your loss and do hope you get to see a great livestream today that provides some light and warmth in this painful time. I also wanted to thank you for something else. I stumbled on the music rec thread and realized much of it is the remnant of an older thread rescued and archived by you. It looked like a lot of work for you and I wanted to let you know it is much appreciated. Enjoyed reading the recs and comments very much |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2012 11:36:56 GMT -5
sugaree, I know what you mean. When we had to help Bear on his final journey, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. He was with me through so many big changes in my life and we were really bonded. When a pet is so very old, it means they have been with you for a huge percentage of your own life. I still miss him. I hope it's true that we will meet our pets again some day.
I'm not sure if I can be here for the live stream so I hope there are videos. It sounds like it's going to be amazing.
I wanted to tell you guys a little about the writing retreat I went on, in particular one area that made me think about Adam. One of the purposes was to help reconnect with the power of writing from the heart. The pressures to make your work commercially viable in some way steer us away from that -- from being an artist to being a craftsman the way that Mitch Miller talked about in my earlier post. There is a time and balance for both.
Did you know that the roots of the word "record" come from the Old English words "re" (again) and "cord" (heart)? Recording is getting closer to what's in the heart. The idea is that you keep inquiring of yourself until you realize it's safe to be honest, just with yourself. Later you decide how and in what form you can share it with others.
My thought was about how that ties in with Adam and his artistry. As a pop artist he's taken aim at a vast and largely unsympathetic and fickle audience, yet he has offered deeply personal experiences from Shady to Runnin. A pop star is a being who has no privacy, who exposes his most real and interesting self to us -- or decides to offer us hackwork.
Like anything creative, this is a tense work in progress, but it made me realize how truly pointless the anger and frustration about radio is. It takes a lot of self-respect and strength to do what Adam does.
Most of our energy goes into upholding our importance. If we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe. - Carlos Castaneda
ETA: Oh! I meant to add that there was a plaque at the retreat center that reminded me so much of Adam and Sauli. It went something to the effect that two hearts found each other when one had the courage to offer a look, and the other had the courage to receive it.
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sugaree
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Post by sugaree on Nov 14, 2012 20:26:20 GMT -5
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